Stuff I’ve read or helped to write
I love Tim Dorsey, and I don’t need to finish When Elves Attack to urge everyone to buy it. It’s typical Dorsey, which means it’s superbly deranged Floridian tomfoolery that had me hooting with delight by the second paragraph – which, in this case, is a 93-year-old explaining why she’s gone off sex. If you haven’t read Dorsey and found Coffin Dodgers even remotely funny, you really ought to check out the work of the master.
The most excellent Simon Royle publishes what he calls indieviews, interviews with indie authors. And today it’s my turn to talk bollocks.
I’ve lost track of the number of times a supposedly smart, glass ceiling-shattering female character suddenly becomes a simpering idiot thanks to Captain Exposition. This kind of thing:
Him: We need a laser.
Her: A laser?
Him: Yes, a laser. It stands for light amplification by the stimulated emission of radiation, and it was first suggested by Einstein in 1917. In 1958, Charles Townes and Arthur Schawlow theorized and published papers about a visible laser, an invention that would use infrared and/or visible spectrum light, however, they did not proceed with any research at the time. Today, however, lasers are everywhere, used in a variety of industrial and military applications. You’ll even find them inside home entertainment equipment such as DVD players.
Her: You are so clever! Let’s have sex!
Yes, imagine! And then make it, and give me cash!
Chris at Adarna SF has posted a thoughtful review of Coffin Dodgers, for which I’m very grateful. I think the criticisms are spot-on too.
Despite these hiccups, I really commend Gary Marshall for coming up with a well-written (and well-edited) debut mystery. There are moments in the book that subtly move into the realm of social commentary without having to try so hard. Irreverent tone notwithstanding, it feels much more polished than the usual indie e-books that I’ve come across — definitely worth an afternoon read.
In times of great excitement, I like to paraphrase Noddy Holder – and today is one of those times. Ready?
So here it is, Merry Christmas
Everybody’s Having Fun
Apart from all the Android firms
Who are probably chucking themselves off bridges right now
I received an email from Amazon this morning: during a quality check they’ve spotted a major, show-stopping problem with the Kindle edition of Coffin Dodgers, and I must fix it as soon as possible.
The problem?
A single typo.
Chuck Wendig wrote this post for writers, but I think it’s relevant to any kind of creative activity:
Suddenly Old Mister Doubt is jabbering in your ear.
You’re not good enough.
You’ll never make it, you know.
Everyone’s disappointed in you.
Where are your pants? Normal people wear pants.
…self-doubt is the enemy of the writer. It is one of many: laziness, fear, ego, porn, Doritos. But it is most certainly one of the worst, if not the worst, in the writer’s rogue gallery of nemeses.
I was at a book reading by Christopher Brookmyre and Mark Billingham a few weeks ago, and Billingham described some of the angry letters he gets from readers outraged that he uses the odd swear word – but not, it seems, outraged by some of the absolutely appalling things his villains do. It seems to be quite common in crime fiction: just last night, Allan Guthrie got a one-star review from somebody so outraged by the (minor) swearing in one of his books that they couldn’t continue.
I’ve said elsewhere that writers should consider whether swearing is necessary if it isn’t relevant or appropriate – if Mr Guthrie wrote gentle Victorian-era whodunnits and used language such as “it was Professor fucking Plum, with a fucking lead pipe, in the fucking study, the fucking sneaky fucking fucker” then that might be considered somewhat gratuitous – but he writes contemporary crime fiction and police procedurals.
You may not be aware of this, but policemen and women sometimes swear. Criminals too.
Ray Banks, aka The Saturday Boy, has an opinion about all of this.
Swearing is a vital part of human life, regardless of culture, and to indulge in vicarious murder as entertainment whilst eschewing the saltier language is nothing short of hypocrisy.
I read a lot of crime fiction, and I’ve lost track of the various horrible things crime writers describe – and by crime writers I mean mainstream, your-mum-reads-them crime writers, many of whom revel in detailed descriptions of the most terrible acts. If you can stomach that but not the word “fuck” then there’s something seriously fucking wrong with you.
I thought it might be an idea to do a huge ebook-advice post based on the various discussions we’ve had here and on other sites, so that’s what I’ve done: an enormous A to Z of ebook publishing aimed at would-be ebook publishers. If there’s anything I’ve missed or got hopelessly wrong, I’m sure you’ll let me know in the comments.
No, not Lulu the loud Lennoxtown song-shouter – I mean Lulu.com the print-on-demand publisher. The service’s new ebook wing offers “a best-in-class Word to ePub converter”, a 90/10 royalty split and distribution to other platforms such as the iPad and the Nook.
It sounds very like Smashwords: it’ll provide you with an ISBN, act as a distributor and so on, and if you’re publishing to any site that uses ePub the free converter and eBook creator’s guide are worth having.
New Scots man-blog A Man’s A Man has written a very nice – and very nuts – thing about Coffin Dodgers. I get the impression Owen the editor liked it.