Author: Carrie

  • When stereotypes equal safety

    One of the many things that annoys me about anti-trans activists is that on one hand they accuse trans people of perpetuating gender stereotypes, and on the other they viciously mock trans women who don’t conform to stereotypical ideas of female beauty. As the wonderfully named Tranna Wintour writes in The Walrus, it’s very difficult not to conform when non-conformance is policed, sometimes violently.

    My being seen as the woman I am is almost entirely dependent on my ability to perform femininity as its been established in our culture—namely, to be beautiful. Here is how I feel most of us have been taught to process gender: if a person looks female, she’s a woman; if a person looks male, he’s a man. Those of us who don’t always look perfectly female or perfectly male are subject to being misgendered and misunderstood; we are often the subject of ridicule, judgement, and scrutiny.

    I’m not beautiful, but nevertheless my ability to go through the world as me is largely dependent on how I present: the blurrier the line between male and female the more unwanted attention I attract. To be blunt, in many contexts it’s better to be perceived as an ugly woman than a trans one.

    Transness, in its ambiguity and nonconformity, is seen as a particularly strong threat. Transness says, “Wait, I don’t have to be a woman or a man in the way the culture has taught me to be.” Transness says, “I can be my own person. I don’t have to conform.” But, in response to that defiance, the culture says, “If you transgress against the binary, we will make life hard for you. You will be ridiculed. You will be misgendered. Your safety will be at risk.”

  • The kindness of women and the sadness of men

    Emily Todd VanDerWerff is a critic at large for Vox, and she’s reviewed an interesting video by PhilosophyTube that addresses the issue of men’s mental health.

    I thought this bit of her review was particularly interesting.

    Thorn suggests that one project worth undertaking, should you have a platform like his to do it, is to increase the number of emotional colors that men feel free to paint with, so they’re not forced to work with such a limited palette. By making a video like this one, he says, other men might be able to recognize themselves in his story and find sustenance and help with the process of navigating their own emotions.

    (A personal sidebar: This is deeply true. Since coming out as a trans woman, I’ve found a staggering number of emotional support systems open to women compared to those for men, because women in our culture are expected to be emotional, whereas men are expected to be buttoned-down. If I’m having a hard day or quietly crying at a restaurant, I almost always receive a quick, “Are you okay?” from other women who might be around. This never happened to me when I lived my life as a man…

    That’s been my experience too. The conversations I have with women are very different from the conversations I used to have, and still have, with men. It’s not just evident in conversations with close friends; it’s there with people I didn’t know an hour previously too. It’s hard to put into words, but I think the difference is what’s meant by the question “how are you?” from someone you know outside of a professional context.

    Having played for both teams, I think there is a difference in the way men and women ask it and answer it. The women I know ask it with meaning and answer honestly. Whereas the men ask it and really hope they don’t get an honest answer – which is handy, because the man being asked has no intention of providing one. He’s fine. He’s always fine.

    I think things are getting better – for example the stigma around talking about mental illness seems to be fading – but I think among men of my age and older there’s still that boys-don’t-cry, stiff-upper-lip thing going on. Which is perhaps partly why my friends and I have lost two men to suicide in the last three months: while women are more likely to suffer from mental health problems, men are more likely to kill themselves. In 2017 in the UK, 5,821 people killed themselves. 4,382 of them were men.

    This is what we mean when we talk about tackling toxic masculinity. It’s not about tackling all masculinity, changing what it means to be a man or diminishing men in any way. It’s about increasing the number of emotional colours that men feel free to paint with.

  • Music brings us together

    Last night I played a couple of songs at an open mic night. I’ve been doing that a lot lately, and one of the songs I play is a very sad but also hopeful song called A Moment of Clarity. The song’s sung to somebody at their lowest ebb and it seems to connect with people; every time I play it at least one person will come up to me afterwards and talk about how it resonated with them. I’ve been told some very personal, painful things by complete strangers, sometimes with tears in their eyes. Music does that to people. Other people’s songs do the same to me.

    I’m sometimes asked why I still make music, why I spend my time on something with no financial reward. That’s why. To be able to write songs is an incredible gift, and to see those songs connect with people on such a deep emotional level is an extraordinary privilege.

  • “Anger is a second emotion”

    There’s a fascinating piece in the Huffington Post about a programme in Californian prisons that aims to cut the reoffending rate. Its focus? Toxic masculinity.

    The former inmate is a facilitator of a prison rehabilitation program that teaches men about gender roles and how ingrained ideas of masculinity have contributed to their violent crimes. GRIP, or Guiding Rage into Power, started at San Quentin State Prison in 2013 and has expanded to five state prisons across California.

    The programme works on a simple assumption: criminal behaviour, especially violent behaviour, is often the result of trauma.

    This bit really jumped out at me.

    “Anger is a second emotion. Fear, shame or sadness are underneath it. Violence is learned. No one is born armed and dangerous. We can unlearn it.”

    Does the programme work? One-third of the programme’s graduates have been out on parole and only one inmate has returned. California’s usual rate of recidivism is 65%.

     

  • We want to hear from women in music in Scotland

    (L-R: Me, Elena Piras, Rosie Bans)

    The reason my wee face is there alongside the superbly talented musicians Elena Piras and Rosie Bans is because we’re the Advocacy and Activism working group of Scottish Women Inventing Music, SWiM for short. If you’re a woman in music, we’d love to have you on board.

    The organisation is all about putting women centre stage in every aspect of the Scottish music business. That doesn’t just mean musicians, and it doesn’t just mean rock and pop music. It’s managers and lighting technicians, engineers and promoters, composers and tutors and venue owners and DJs and anyone else connected with the music industry at any level. We’re committed to equality for all women, and we want our membership to reflect the diversity of the musical community in Scotland.

    SWiM is partly a networking opportunity – I’ve met some very inspiring women through being a member, and I’ve been to some incredible gigs I wouldn’t have known about otherwise – and mainly about effecting change through education, events, lobbying and working in conjunction with like-minded people. I’m really pleased to be part of it and I think that SWiM can help make a real difference.

    If you’re connected in any way with music in Scotland, we’d love to hear from you.

    You can find out more at the SWiM website.

  • Help is here

    For the second time in just a few months, my friends and I are mourning another life lost to suicide.

    Too many people are struggling with mental health and suicidal thoughts. If you’re one of them, please speak to somebody. The world is a better place with you in it, and can be a better place for you.

    Put these numbers in your phone if you think you might need them.

    0800 58 58 58 – The Campaign Against Living Miserably; online chat is available on the website.

    116 123 – Samaritans. If you prefer you can email jo@samaritans.org.

    0808 802 8008 – Music Minds Matter, for musicians and people in the music business. Also MMM@helpmusicians.org.uk

     

  • “Gender critical” philosophy doesn’t make sense

    The culture wars over trans people have made their way to the philosophers’ community, with some high-profile anti-trans people wrapping their views in philosophical arguments. Unfortunately, Luke Roelofs writes, those arguments don’t make sense.

    This is a long read, but it’s interesting if you’d like to understand why issues such as policing bathrooms are so complex and potentially bad for all women.

    Here’s a quick extract.

    So in practice, ‘gender-critical’ doctrines just provide rationales for policing gender nonconformity. And the big lie at the heart of it, that people are seeking transition to better fit gender stereotypes, justifies this by painting the nonconforming people being policed as the real gender police.

    Just like with bathrooms, the whole GC discourse about gender roles ultimately functions to obscure the real stakes and the real options. You can police people’s gender expression, or you can dismantle the prison of gender, but you can’t do both. GCRF [Gender Critical Radical Feminism] is a feminist fig leaf waved in front of social conservatism.

  • The Times doesn’t care about people in care

    Following on from my earlier post, The Times’ story about university places for care experienced people has grown worse.

    Something I didn’t spot in the original was the way the piece drew a distinction between “disadvantaged” pupils and “bright” pupils, as if the latter couldn’t possibly include the former. Again, the word choice is significant.

    Writing on Medium, Charlotte Armitage goes into more detail.

    What this type of article does is fuel discrimination towards Care Experienced people. It creates separation between ‘star pupils’ and Care Experienced pupils and it can be understood to be implying that someone cannot be both. This has been demonstrated by comments underneath the article, outraged that pupils “who happen to have stable and functioning families are penalised”.

    The Times’ editor has defended the piece as “balanced”. The comments have continued. Here are some that Armitage screenshotted:

    “Slap in the face to all the hardworking parents who actually love and take care of their children.”

    What matters isn’t the quality of the student, but the quality of their parents.

    “University should be for the brightest and not a test tube for social engineering.”

    People who’ve been in the care system are not the brightest.

    “Bright children denied a university place, so a thicko can have it?”

    People who’ve been in the care system are “thickos”.

    There is of course no connection whatsoever between whether someone’s been in care and their ability. But there are lots of reasons why their opportunities are more limited than those of, say, a middle-class kid.

    I was a middle-class kid. I didn’t suffer from disruption to my education from being moved from place to place, family to family, so I didn’t have to supplement my qualifications by doing further education classes to met any entrance requirements. Even if I’d wanted to do those classes, I would have had the luxury of a roof over my head, food in my belly and money in my pocket so I could concentrate fully on my studies.

    In the end I didn’t go to college or university. But I didn’t go because I chose not to, not because the option wasn’t available to me. Had I gone, I’m sure my parents would have supported me there too.

    As Armitage writes, that’s not how it usually works for care experienced people. The disruption in earlier life means you need to attend further education just to have the same qualifications as everyone else – and chances are you’ll be doing that while working multiple jobs to keep a roof over your head, trying to study when every bit of you aches with tiredness. All the while there is no plan B, no safety net, no helpful parent to bail you out if you lose your job or encounter an unexpected bill.

    A guaranteed offer of a university place doesn’t change any of those things. It’s still going to be much, much harder for people coming out of the care system to get into university than it is for people from more stable family backgrounds. But as Armitage says:

    The guaranteed offer is not about discouraging applicants who have had fortunate upbringings and were already likely to succeed. It is about giving the people who missed out on so much as result of childhood trauma and state intervention a chance, so that they too, can reach their full potential and go onto live prosperous and successful futures.

    It won’t turn privilege into disadvantage. Those with straight A’s will still gain entry into university. It just means Scottish campuses will provided the opportunity to learn to a more diverse array of students.

    Back to the article. The Times likes to write about groups of people without giving a voice to those people, and the coverage of care experienced people follows that model. Here’s one of the people they could have talked to: Kenneth Murray, writer and award-winning campaigner.

    Here are some bits from his tweets to The Times’ Scottish editor.

    @magnusllewellin I do quite a lot of work on the stigma that Care Experienced people face, particularly with the media.

    In fact I’ve worked with some of the journalists in your employ on the importance of language around issues of Care Experienced people.

    It makes me sad to see this shift.

    Whilst I understand there are real issues around quotas & access to university for many groups – using Care Experienced people in this way is incendiary.

    Care Experienced people like me have faced many struggles to get where we are. Through hard work, determination & some help.

    We really don’t need a national newspaper, a journalist and an editor from that paper compounding the stigma that surrounds us & any support we receive to help rectify decades of institutional failure.

    I find it really bizarre that such a quality newspaper, focused on providing great journalism would bypass anyone with experience of care.

    Your paper has managed this succesfully in the past. I really don’t understand why they haven’t this time.

    This is something various minorities have seen too: they give up their time to meet with and even deliver courses to journalists for publications that will later misrepresent and even demonise them.

    All too often, The Times and its journalists are not coming from a place of ignorance. They know what they’re doing is wrong, and they do it anyway.

  • How you tell a story tells a story

    This week, Scottish universities unveiled an important new initiative: people who’ve been in the care system will be guaranteed the offer of a university place if they meet new minimum entry requirements. It should double the number of care-experienced students to around 600 people.

    It’s designed to address some of the issues that don’t affect those of us who haven’t been in the care system. As The BBC puts it:

    For example, their education may have been disrupted as they moved between carers.

    It’s clearly a positive, progressive move that’ll benefit some disadvantaged people – which is how most of the press has reported it. Most of the press apart from The Times.

    People with straight As face losing out on a university place under a pledge to widen access for disadvantaged people.

    That’s the opener. The next paragraph adds that the pupils will be “potentially displacing a better qualified candidate with a more fortunate background.” It also chooses to provide its readers with different figures: instead of telling them that the number of students from care backgrounds may increase from 300 to 600, it says that “there are 15,000 ‘looked after’ children in Scotland”.

    Look at the word choice there. “Displacing”. Displacing means moving something from its proper or usual position. It’s often used to describe natural disasters forcing people to abandon their homes, and it’s a favourite of racists too. It’s a very loaded word, which should never be used lightly when talking about people.

    It’s a good example of how you can twist a narrative to suit a particular agenda, in this case to make your readers frightened that horrible poor people might prevent Tarquin or Jocinda from getting that place at university. It won’t, of course, and The Times knows it. But the story The Times wants to tell its primarily white, affluent, middle class to upper class readers is that the other – in this case, children from disadvantaged backgrounds – are coming to take away what you have.

    Possibly the worst, most telling example of this was a few weeks ago when a stowaway fell from an aeroplane in London. The man, from Kenya, died horribly. As one neighbour told the press, “there was blood all over the walls of the garden.”

    The Times ran this headline.

    Bloody foreigners coming over here, dying in our gardens, leaving us to clean up their shattered corpses.

    Once you’re aware of it, you’ll see it everywhere. Telling readers that some group of others is coming for their children is a Times (and right-wing media generally)  staple, whether it’s Muslims, LGBT people, foreign people (especially European people or brown people), poor people or women people.

    That’s because the Times is the house organ for privileged people, and what it’s serving them is “privileged distress.” Here’s Doug Muder to explain what that means.

    As the culture evolves, people who benefitted from the old ways invariably see themselves as victims of change. The world used to fit them like a glove, but it no longer does. Increasingly, they find themselves in unfamiliar situations that feel unfair or even unsafe. Their concerns used to take center stage, but now they must compete with the formerly invisible concerns of others.

    There’s another word for it.

    Supremacy.

    Here’s activist and playwright Wayne Self.

    I know that the word “supremacist” makes you think of “White Supremacists,” which makes you think of the KKK and cross-burning and lynching. We think of supremacist as a Southern thing, a rural thing, a racial thing, a militia thing, a hate thing.

    …Supremacy is the habit of believing or acting as if your life, your love, your culture, your self has more intrinsic worth than those of people who differ from you.

    …You don’t have to hate people to feel innately superior to them. After all, what kind of threat are your inferiors to you? You may be annoyed by them, from time to time, or you may even like them. You can even have so much affection for them that you might call that affection love.

    When the school a witness went to is more important than the dead man in his garden, that’s supremacy. When your right to offend is more important than others’ right to life free from harassment, that’s supremacy. When the university places of the most privileged in society are considered more important than those of students who don’t come from the right families, that’s supremacy. When tax cuts for the rich matter more than funding services for the poor, that’s supremacy. When men’s right to behave how they damn well please is more important than women’s safety, that’s supremacy.

    That’s not to say that Times readers are supremacists. Most of them, I’m sure, are decent and kind. But the thing about privilege is that you don’t notice it when you have it, so any attempt to improve equality can look like you’re being picked on, discriminated against. That’s why some people genuinely believe that cisgender, heterosexual, affluent white men face more discrimination than other minority groups. It isn’t remotely true, but to some it feels true.

    Telling people that their inferiors are coming for what they have is one of the oldest, most malicious tricks in the book. But it works, and it provides an opportunity for bad actors to weaponise it. Bigots of every stripe, the far right, disaster capitalists, billionaire media moguls.

    There’s a joke that I’ve seen circulate in various guises, but the basic point remains in each version.

    A billionaire, a Times reader and a Polish cleaner are sitting at a table with a plate of twelve biscuits in front of them.

    Slowly and deliberately, the billionaire eats eleven of the biscuits.

    His mouth covered in crumbs, the billionaire turns to the Times reader.

    “Watch out!” he says. “That cleaner’s going to steal your biscuit!”