The title is a quote from one of the vote-counting organisations, describing the Scottish elections. In some cases the number of spoilt or rejected ballot papers outnumbered winning candidates’ majorities ten to one.

The problem, I’m sure, is that the two different voting papers – one national, one council – use two completely different systems. One uses a cross, one uses numbers – a disaster waiting to happen. I think I ended up voting for the Prime Minister of Chad.

Bloody hell. Some sections of Hollyrood reckon they could run an independent Scots economy? We can’t even run a voting system for a few million people. I suspect even a piss-up in a brewery might prove too much of a challenge.