Bullshit Health

“If electromagnetic waves can penetrate walls, just imagine what they can do to your skin!”

Various lifestyle mags (GQ and some women’s ones) are running tech-related bullshit from Clarins: artificial electromagnetic waves make your skin go all bobbly or something, and you need to spend your cash on expensive beauty products. Now!

– Magnetic Defence Complex protects skin from the ageing effects of Artificial Electromagnetic Waves.
– Clarins Anti-Pollution Complex of White Tea and Succory Dock-Cress protects skin from indoor and outdoor urban pollution.
– Creates an imperceptible physical film on the skin to reinforce the skin’s own natural protective barrier.

Here’s the science!

the spray contains molecules derived from microorganisms living near undersea volcanoes and from plants which survive in extreme conditions such as alongside motorways and in Siberia.

In a just world, this would be the ad campaign:


8 replies on ““If electromagnetic waves can penetrate walls, just imagine what they can do to your skin!””

>“If electromagnetic waves can penetrate walls, just imagine what they can do to your skin!”

Umm, give you a tan?

Hold on, didn’t I post that same thing in some other thread a while ago? I’m confused.

Mind you given the number of the lesser wrinkled scottish lowland sun bed shaved Orangutan I see wandering the streets, maybe we should actually be forcing people to wear the stuff.

>artificial electromagnetic

Oh, I see – *artificial* ones. My, someone at clarins really should be looking out their best gear for the nobel prize ceremony. At last – EM waves with memory.

You’ve done something with the formatting of this post (after the 2nd quote) that’s shifted everything below it on the page slightly too far to the left.

Ironically soap kills my hands and makes them itch and chaffe if I’m not careful so I use hand cream all the time. After various experiments I’ve worked my way up to clarins hand cream stuff – and it is actually great. I just wish that

A) It cost less.
B) They’d stop trying to sell me stuff with this technobable nonsense. It works well enough that I’d happily recommend it on the “it’s expensive but it works – oh and you probably don’t want to know what’s in it.” basis.

Chatting about this over dinner (yes, Gary, your blog is that interesting), I have two further thoughts.

Firstly, Clarins aren’t stupid and use ads that work. Therefore, thousands of people must have the following train of thought:

Next to a motorway? Cor, that’s a pretty harsh place to live.
I bet anything that lived there would be rock ‘ard, like.
Hey, I bet, if I rubbed it on my skin, I’d be rock ‘ard too.

Then it occured to me that crows live very successfully by motorways, and I should immediately market a new Essence Of Crow skin cream.

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