According to the Evening Times, 70 shit-scared pet dogs have been found roaming the streets of Glasgow this week already, freaked out by the constant barrage of fireworks. We’re lucky – Megan, destroyer of shoes, isn’t scared of anything – but our in-laws’ dog is bloody terrified of the things, and this time of year means weeks of terror for him (and a lot of work for everyone around him – scared dogs are capable of amazing things when they’re determined to escape).

It’s not just the ASBO element that’s responsible, either. They’ve been going off in gardens for several days now, as people celebrate key events on the calendar such as, er, Tuesday. It’s just a bit of fun, apparently. No harm done.

Bollocks to that: it’s really not funny, and it’s really not fair. Maybe dog owners should unite, wait for the culprits to leave for work/school/whatever the following morning, and pelt them with several weeks’ worth of dog shit. It’s just a bit of fun! we’d cackle. No harm done!