Hell in a handcart Media Uncategorised

“A guy who can take buttholes, midgets, and fried fish, and make a love story”

This is a fantastic bit of journalism: David Foster Wallace goes to the Adult Video Awards. It’s a very long piece that’s hilarious and depressing in pretty much equal measure:

Alex Dane is now telling Harold Hecuba about a stray dog she found and has decided to keep. She is excited as she describes the dog and for a moment seems about fourteen; the impression lasts only a second or two and is heartbreaking. One of the B-girls, meanwhile, is explaining that she has just gotten a pair of cutting-edge breast implants that she can actually adjust the size of by adding or draining fluid via small valves under her armpits, and then—perhaps mistaking your correspondents’ expressions for ones of disbelief—she raises her arms to display the valves. There really are what appear to be valves.

[Via MetaFilter]

Hell in a handcart

Scotland the brave

[photopress:_41792598_iansmith203300.jpg,full,pp_image] [Image: BBC]

A disabled man is dragged from his car and beaten up in Aberdeen, and a seven-year-old boy is attacked by an adult in Edinburgh – simply because they were wearing England shirts.

Health Hell in a handcart

Scots politicians (warning, includes swearing)

If it didn’t mean moving away from family and friends, I’d move out of Scotland and go somewhere sunny. Seriously.

Mr Eugenides prints a story from the Mail on Sunday:

Scotland is set to become the first country in Europe to ban alcohol for under-21s as part of a radical shake-up of licensing laws. The controversial crackdown would also see all members of the public limited to only four alcoholic drinks per visit to a pub or club.

Presumably that four-drink limit doesn’t mean four bottles of wine.

As The Devil’s Kitchen puts it in his inimitable way:

I have been spending some time in Glasgow, a city in which you are not allowed to smoke inside public spaces and you are not allowed to drink outside in public spaces. And, from January, all pubs will have to adopt plastic containers instead of serving drinks in a glass. What the fuck is going on?

This country is leading the way in nanny-state, illiberal, totalitarian bullshit; it’s time to get the fuck out.

A bit later…

The daft glass ban has been shelved: it seems that after an “11th hour climbdown” by officials, the compulsory use of plastic glasses will only apply in venues open after midnight and in places with a history of “glassing” attacks.

And another thing…

It’s bad form to rant and rave without offering an alternative, so here’s mine: why don’t we take the radical step of, y’know, enforcing the laws we already have? Like the ones prohibiting the sale of alcohol to underage kids, or the ones about being drunk and disorderly in public, or the ones prohibiting the sale of booze to people who are completely and utterly pissed?

Hell in a handcart Media Technology

Fascinating and disturbing

The camera never lies, but here’s yet more proof that what appears in print often bears little or no relation to what was actually photographed. Brian Dilg is insanely talented, but his description of a Ralph Lauren job involving a child model has made me utterly depressed:

This is a good example of some very tricky retouching for a very picky client – Polo Ralph Lauren. In addition to making the clothes fit better, they decided they wanted the blouse to be short sleeved. I ended up photographing an adult woman’s arms and compositing them in, as well as extending the background considerably. I was very proud of how I made the lean, muscular adult’s arms plump to to match the girl’s body type, but Polo asked to have them made skinny, just as anorexic as adult models.

Via Metafilter

Hell in a handcart Music Uncategorised

Back, sort of

…although with 700 emails and about 3 feet of post to wade through, it’ll be a while before I’m able to do much. But a few quick thoughts:

  • Some enterprising games company should turn the old RPG Paranoia into a console game. Dysfunctional sci-fi with a warped sense of humour… it’d be great.
  • Looks like Glasgow Council has been at it again while I’ve been away: they’re extending their nightclub glass ban to all city centre drinking establishments, so if you’re in a restaurant and fancy taking your drink through to the bar then you’ll have to pour it into a plastic glass. Apparently ver Council also intends to bar sales of wine by the bottle, presumably to battle Cotes Du Rhone rage. Sheesh.
  • Italians? Stylish? Hahahahahahahahah.
  • Girls Aloud gig: decent gig (although I could have done without the appalling musicals medley) ruined by the worst sound I have ever heard at a big gig. Not sure it’s due to the SECC’s legendarily bad acoustics, though, because the nearer to the speakers you got the worse the sound became. Not that I particularly like the soulless cavern that calls itself the SECC, particularly when they adopt a ridiculous no-pass policy that means once you’re in the venue, you can’t leave for any reason whatsoever if you want to get back in. Sheesh, again.
Hell in a handcart

The great cutlery crackdown

Yes, Scotland (and particularly the West of Scotland) has a huge problem with knife crime. But come on…

AN ANGRY restaurant boss has hit out after being rapped for leaving steak knives lying on outdoor tables. He has vowed to take on Glasgow City Council after being asked to remove around 20 knives from tables in Merchant Square.

The story’s from last night’s Evening Times, which explains that Sizzler’s steakhouse has been rapped for putting cutlery on tables. The “outdoor” bit is plain wrong: Merchant Square is an enclosed terrace, which is used by several different restaurants.

Critics said the knives were potentially lethal weapons and should only be brought to tables when food is served.