The government wants to stop people from walking into shops and buying pay-as-you-go mobiles; in future, you’ll have to produce your passport. If you don’t have a passport? Tough shit.

The reason, inevitably, is that of the millions and millions of PAYG customers, a handful are – yes! – terrorists and organised criminals (two groups famed for their ability to produce or obtain fake passports, but I digress…).

The thing is, PAYG phones aren’t the only ways for people to communicate. There’s Skype, there’s email, there’s chat over public Wi-Fi…

/looks out the tinfoil, makes a new hat