Car owners! Considering leaving the safety of your driveway?

Then why not get a ball hammer and wallop every single body panel until there’s not a square centimetre of undamaged car left? That way, when you come out of Tesco and it’s been pranged again, you won’t be annoyed – because you did it first!

(Big scratch from some supermarket arse this morning, huge dent in a wheelarch from a multi-story arse yesterday. Gaaaaah)

I know a chap who uses his cameraphone to take pics of the cars next to him when he parks at Tesco, so when the inevitable happens and they scratch the crap out of his car, he can show the pics to the police. Seems like a fruitless exercise to me.

17 thoughts on “Car owners! Considering leaving the safety of your driveway?

  1. In Actual Fact says:

    I used to take the numbers of the cars parked next to me, but after (yes, I know, I was asking for it) parking next to a child-friendly-people-mobile (spit) at Braehead; finding my door caved in (no, really) and complaining to the police only to be told that it was insubmissable/ible evidence. I just gave up and don’t care any more…. So, yes, it is fruitless (insert pun about buying apples at Sainsbury’s here).

  2. Gary says:

    It’s not the pranging that annoys me – it’s pretty much inevitable, particularly if you’ve got kids – but surely decency means if you smack someone’s car you’d at least leave a note? The multi-storey ding the other day was a serious one, not a minor opening-door ding. It was a full on scraped-the-car-along-another-car job. So whoever did it knew they’d did it, and just drove away. The cock.

    Tesco ones are a different beast, in my town at least. They’re done by old people who can’t see out the windows of their own cars. They’re a bloody menace.

  3. Squander Two says:

    > complaining to the police only to be told that it was insubmissable/ible evidence.

    They were bullshitting you. This form of evidence is known to lawyers as “a witness”, and there are quite a few precedents now for the “testimony” of these “witnesses” being used in court.

    I can just imagine Crimewatch. “Maybe you saw this dark-blue Fiesta, registration LG24 966, in the Stevenage area on the night of the murders. If so, don’t bother calling us, because it’s inadmissable evidence.”

    What the police really meant was that they don’t want to hear about anything that sounds like it might be a crime, ’cause it fucks up their statistics.

  4. Gary says:

    I think the cops were right, sadly. If your photos don’t actually show the prang in progress, it doesn’t prove that the car in the pic is the perpetrator of the prang. Early morning alliteration ahoy!

    Somehow I don’t see the police taking paint samples to identify the culprits.

  5. Squander Two says:

    > If your photos don’t actually show the prang in progress, it doesn’t prove …

    No, of course not: it’s not proof. But it is evidence, and thoroughly admissable. Proof only happens in court, as a result of the accumulation of lots of pieces of evidence. If the police are going to refuse to accept any evidence that isn’t proof, then… well, come to think of it, that explains a lot.

    Bypass the police. Hire a PI to track the bastards down and photograph the scratch on their car that matches yours, then take them to the small claims court.

  6. Gary says:

    I don’t see the courts being too chuffed at an avalanche of supermarket prang claims, somehow.

  7. Squander Two says:

    Which is the problem. “We already fail to prosecute lots of crimes, therefore we’d better refuse to prosecute even more.” As long as our lords and masters are going to take such a stupid attitude, best use the civil claims system, the great advantage of which is that we don’t need the bastard police’s or the bastard CPS’s permission to do so.

  8. mupwangle says:

    It’s not only vandalism. leaving the scene of an accident is an offence and so is failing to report an accident within 24 hours. Also, failing to report any incident to your insurer invalidates any policy so there is also driving without insurance. That’s four crimes already.

    >>Hire a PI to track the bastards down and photograph the scratch on their car that matches yours, then take them to the small claims court.

    Or call your insurance company and say you saw them hit your car as it left. It’s a lie but the fact that they haven’t reported it themselves would make them look suspicious. Especially if you did take a photo of them parked next to you. They would approach their insurance company and they would ask them for money. Only problem is that they might not be insured in which case you would have to pay your excess to your insurer.

  9. In Actual Fact says:

    Hadn’t watched the follow-up on this thread, but notifying the insurers does, in fact, sound like a good idea when the police don’t give a toss.
    The fact that it happened in Glasgow surprised me, mostly because I’m sure it was done deliberately. I was still driving a German registered car at the time (although it’s got UK plates now) – the door was obviously deliberately bashed in, it wasn’t just a scrape, it was destroyed and needed replacing – now, I’d never had any anti-German nonsense in Scotland, but loads in the SE of England. Northern England (and this isn’t just one for geography buffs) is somewhere inbetween.
    And the police obviously didn’t care. It was the fact that even taking precautions didn’t make any difference that was annoying.

  10. mupwangle says:

    To date I’ve had my Black 1.2 Renault Clio keyed, My silver 1.4 Clio keyed (in 2 stripes along the full length of the car) and a Black Skoda Octavia keyed outside my front door. Phoned the police to get a crime number in case I decided to claim off the insurance but it is too expensive to claim. Think it was opportunistic rather than targetted as, at the time they were done, they were the shiniest cars on the street and all three were keyed only on panels facing the pavement rather than the road. Some people just do it for kicks.

  11. In Actual Fact says:

    mupwangle: I don’t like Clios either (my long legs don’t fit under the steering wheel properly, making braking tricky) but I wouldn’t key one. Probably…..

  12. paul says:

    I had my MX5 keyed, reversed into and generally vanadalised so many times that I eventually sold it just to get some peace of mind.

  13. Squander Two says:

    This is exactly why I prefer to own old cheap cars. Spending over ten grand on something and then leaving it lying in the street just seems like madness to me. (Apart from my house, obviously. I can’t think of anywhere else to leave it.)

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