Frocky horror

Writing in today’s Guardian, Hardeep Singh Kohli reckons it’s high time men abandoned their trews in favour of skirts.

Why is it so very wrong for a slightly overweight Glaswegian Sikh to wear a retro-kitsch Diane von Furstenberg wraparound dress? Or perhaps an Etro skirt in a marled russet wool-and-cashmere mix with brocade detailing, cut on the bias just above the knee?

I’m surprised that, as a Scot, Hardeep equates kilts with skirts in the same article – that’s asking for the Scots equivalent of the drive-by shooting, the drive-by mooning – but I suspect there’s a bigger flaw in his plan. It would need re-education of the entire male population – not in understanding fashion, but in learning how to sit.

The thing is, unless men are also going to adopt hosiery then things could get very scary very quickly – not for us, but for the people around us. It’s something I learnt at a friend’s wedding: I was the best man, and because the groom wore a kilt I had to do the same. What I didn’t realise until I got the psychiatric bills was that, because I was unfamiliar with the right way to sit while kilted, the registrar spent the whole wedding ceremony with an unimpeded view of my bollocks.