Conversations with eBay customer support (includes swearing)

Remember my eBay problems, where they spotted and removed fraudulent transactions wrongly pegged to my account and promised to credit the listing fees? They’re still ongoing, and my account is still locked. I’m beginning to wonder if their customer support centre was designed by Kafka:

6 Jan: I send a nice email to eBay support: “Um, I’ve written to you about this several times… what’s going on?”

7 Jan: Email from Sally Thompson. “I have arranged to credit the fee…” I reply and say thanks.

25 Jan: Email from eBay. Pay the listing fees or we’re calling the bailiffs. I email: “I’m getting really fed up with this: you promised on 6 January to remove the fraudulent fees from my account and it still hasn’t happened…”

26 Jan: Email from Daniel R, explaining how to click hyperlinks in My eBay.

26 Jan: Angry email from me, pointing out that I can’t use those hyperlinks because, as I’ve pointed out seven hundred times, they’ve locked me out of my account and everything but email is unavailable. “Hi Daniel. You’ve completely ignored my email and given me useless information: I can’t access any of the account stuff because my registration has been suspended – because a credit ebay promised to make months ago still hasn’t been made.”

28 Jan: Email from Brian W. What’s my user ID? What invoice numbers? Summoning every last ounce of patience I provide my user ID yet again and point out that I can’t access any account information, because it’s been locked. As I may have mentioned.

29 Jan: Email from eBay. Pay the listing fees or we’re calling the bailiffs. Then an email from Daniel R. It’s the same email he sent me on 26 Jan, telling me how to click on the links that aren’t available to me because my account has been locked. I manage to reply without using the words “fuck”, “fucking”, “couldn’t find your own fucking arse with both fucking hands” and “you fucking bunch of incompetent bastards, what the fuck is wrong with you people?” and politely suggest that we might make more progress if eBay actually read emails before replying to them.

Tune in next week for another exciting episode!






0 responses to “Conversations with eBay customer support (includes swearing)”

  1. mupwangle

    You don’t get bailiffs in Scotland so not to worry. ;-D

  2. Gary

    Good point.

  3. *Buys popcorn for next installment*

  4. Callum

    I remember hearing something about monkeys in a room of typewriters & the complete works of Shakespeare. Perhaps It the same monkey working for ebay.

  5. Gary


    Thank you for your email. I am happy to assist you further with your query regarding the fees charged on your account.

    Please understand that when you list an item you are charged Insertion
    Fee, optional listing fees and Final Value Fee(if item sells). Insertion
    Fee and optional listing fees are non-refundable, however if buyer does
    not pay for item we may refund Final Value Fee.

    Also, I would like to inform you that if your winning buyer backs out
    from completing the transaction, you will need to file an Unpaid Item
    Dispute. By filing a dispute, you may receive only Final Value Fee
    credit. The easiest way to file an Unpaid Item Dispute copy this link
    into a new browser window:

    I haven’t bought or sold on eBay since May 2006.

  6. What the hell is up with their grammar?

  7. mupwangle

    Why not try regular mail to Doug McCallum, eBay U.K., P.O. Box 700, Richmond Upon Thames, TW9 1YR?

  8. mupwangle

    Or, eBay International AG, attention eBay UK Legal, Helvetiastrasse 15/17, 3005 Bern, Switzerland.

  9. Gary

    It looks like eBay’s email-an-idiot system is broken, because I’ve had a reply from someone who actually read my email!

    I’ve checked your account and can confirm that not all of the fees for
    these listings have been credited back to your seller account yet.
    Please accept our apologies for this delay.

    The fees will be credited back to your account within the next two
    weeks. If you receive an invoice in the meantime, let me assure you that
    we don’t expect you to pay the fees for the unauthorised listings.

  10. Kim

    I have the same thing happen to me. Due to Ebays incompetence I have had to pay my bank over $200 in bank fees, even though they credited my account after my bank dealt with it but the next day after it was solved Ebay took the money back again. They have also debted one of my other accounts that I did not give them permission to do. I tried to put a stop top them debting anymore from the accounts but they still are. I am still fighting Ebay. Yesterday I received a letter from the debt collectors telling me to pay up. Logged onto Ebay and have a email thanking me for payment. All is sweet, I thought. Today I received another email from Ebay telling me how naughty I am and have totally locked me out of there site. Who cares. I have not bought or sold since May 2008.

  11. art

    well do not use ebay if u have a lot of complaints. right?

  12. missy

    u complain a lot. u have the choice to use other sites. it only means that u really like ebay, that’s why u stick too much with them and all those problems runs through your bloody veins. hahaha

  13. missy

    i had a great experience with ebay anyway.. just because im not stupid.. :D

  14. Hey, the people who can’t read emails are being defended by people who can’t read blogs. Lot of it about.

  15. TomH

    I am currently suffering a similar problem with the shower of shit known as ebay