We need new words

The late Douglas Adams co-wrote a superb book, The Meaning of Liff, which attempted to find new words to describe universal experiences. In these net-everywhere days, we probably need to update it to describe situations such as these:

* The moment when, one second after sending a superbly bitchy email, you realise you’ve sent it to the person you’re being bitchy about instead of the person you wanted to bitch about them to.

* As above, but when you realise you’ve sent the message to 700 people.

* The combination of horror and morbid curiosity you feel when you’re troubleshooting someone else’s PC and discover their saved porn searches in the browser’s autocomplete.

* The amazing mechanism whereby you take delivery of a shiny new something – gadget, computer, whatever – and the manufacturer immediately doubles the specification and halves the price.

* The pathetic attempts you make to distract the in-laws’ attention during dinner when you realise you haven’t removed “Wu-Tang Clan Ain’t Nuthin Ta Fuck Wit” from your iTunes playlist.

Any more?

5 thoughts on “We need new words

  1. Tony Kiernan says:

    So, your in-laws were round getting you to fix their PC, what exactly did you find that you felt you needed to bitch about in an email?

    Short-sighted vampire – Spectacular.

  2. Ronnie says:

    The feeling you get when you realise you haven’t blogged for a week but have nothing interesting to say. Add this to the realisation you have that only 3 of your friends are going to read whatever you post about…

  3. Squander Two says:

    > The moment when, one second after sending a superbly bitchy email, you realise you’ve sent it to the person you’re being bitchy about instead of the person you wanted to bitch about them to.

    And the fear, just after sending an email, that you have done that, even though you haven’t.

    I get that a lot.

  4. Squander Two says:

    Incidentally, there are two words from The Meaning Of Liff that I still use on a regular basis:

    Ludlow: a book or folded bit of paper stuck under the leg of a wobbly bit of furniture.

    Amersham: a sneeze which tickles but never comes.

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