While Apple is keeping its cards close to its chest, we can exclusively reveal the details of the new iPhone thanks to a source who’d rather talk to me than to, y’know, the people who normally get the inside scoop on Apple stuff.

* It will be white, or black, or another colour.

* It will be smaller than an iPod, or bigger. Or the same.

* It will have a full-size touchscreen, or a normal screen and some buttons.

* It will have a sliding keypad, or it won’t.

* It will play music, or video. Or both. Or neither.

* It will definitely do video calling, unless it doesn’t.

* You will be able to play iPod games on it, or you won’t.

* It will have a really big hard disk, or a small one, or none at all.

* It will cost $99, or $199, or $299, or perhaps a different amount.

* It will be announced really soon, or later than that, or never.

* It will look like an iPod, or it will look like something else. Or it may resemble a horse.

* A HORSE!

* It will, like, totally, be the greatest thing ever.

* This post is definitely not a transparent attempt to get hits and ad clicks.

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