The war on pineapple

As everyone knows, two of the greatest things in the world are based on pineapples: pineapple yoghurt, and pineapple jelly. So where the hell are they? In recent months my local supermarkets have been slowly but surely ridding their shelves of yoghurty pineapply goodness, so the only way to get pineapple yoghurts is to buy a multipack. Sure, you get three lovely pineapply cartons of joy, but you also get three yoghurts with some horrid peachy nonsense. And what good is that?

Still, the news wasn’t all bad, because elsewhere in the supermarkets you could still get pineapple jelly cubes. But no! As of yesterday the gelatinous globs of pineapple power have vanished, replaced by blackcurrant, tangerine and even bloody lime flavours.

Conspiracy? I think so.





0 responses to “The war on pineapple”

  1. david

    It’s a good thing that you weren’t blogging before you got the job.

  2. Gary

    You just can’t handle the truth.

  3. Multi-packs of yoghurt always suck. There will be two or three nice ones and then they throw in the “broken glass and dung beetle flavour” as the fourth. I reached the fourth in a multipack this morning — rhubarb yoghurt. Bleugh.

  4. I like rhubarb yoghurt. What pisses me off about multipacks is that there’s always strawberry, no matter what the theme. “Exotic Fruits of the Jungle” – strawberry. “Yellow Fruit from Space” – strawberry. It’s like there’s a law or summat. And strawberry’s just not that good.

    The real conspiracy’s in the size of the portions. If someone served you that amount of apple crumble, you’d think they were taking the piss, but it’s supposed to be alright, because it’s yoghurt. If I had a time machine, I would assassinate the woman who decided on yoghurt portion sizes before she had any influence on the yoghurt-industrial complex.

    Gary, you will need a blender, some yoghurt, and a tin of pineapple.

  5. tm

    Well I like strawberry – but you’re right it does seem to always be there. Not just a yogurt thing though – it’s the same with starburst and other sweeties. you can get 3 or 4 ‘flavour sets’ but there is always a strawberry in them – it might just be called ‘wild strawberry’ or something.

    Then their is the sneak attack strawberry – the ‘fruits of the forest’ (or some appropriate variant) that tastes very much like the plain strawberry one.

    I don’t knwo why anyone would want to spoil good yogurt by putting Rhubarb in it, but then I wouldn’t be putting pineapple in it either.

  6. clmac

    I’m with garry on the pinapple jelly, can’t find it anywhere, Last time I seen it I bought 5 packs, the bouns is that the kids hate it.
    I’ll sell you some if you are desperate.

  7. david

    Oh no it’s the Jelly Mafia!

  8. Gary

    Update: I trawled various supermarkets, and the best I could find was Pina Colada jelly (alcohol free! For grown-ups!) WTF?

  9. Pineapple jelly is physically impossible.

    It would appear to have realised this, and spontaneously evaporated.

  10. clmac

    David, you obviously have too much time on your hands.

  11. david

    I would deny that were it not entirely true. ;-D