As everyone knows, two of the greatest things in the world are based on pineapples: pineapple yoghurt, and pineapple jelly. So where the hell are they? In recent months my local supermarkets have been slowly but surely ridding their shelves of yoghurty pineapply goodness, so the only way to get pineapple yoghurts is to buy a multipack. Sure, you get three lovely pineapply cartons of joy, but you also get three yoghurts with some horrid peachy nonsense. And what good is that?

Still, the news wasn’t all bad, because elsewhere in the supermarkets you could still get pineapple jelly cubes. But no! As of yesterday the gelatinous globs of pineapple power have vanished, replaced by blackcurrant, tangerine and even bloody lime flavours.

Conspiracy? I think so.