Shlaine and Caine Haine’s parents’ pain

From today’s Guardian: the parents of a 14-year-old girl have been jailed because of her truancy.

Newport magistrates in south Wales heard that Christopher and Deborah Haine had shown a “complete disregard” as to whether their 14-year-old daughter Shlaine went to school.

…The couple, both 41, from Newport, were first prosecuted in 2002 for failing to ensure Shlaine and their son Caine attended school.

Looks like the parents showed “complete disregard” for their kids’ names too, doesn’t it?

53 replies on “Shlaine and Caine Haine’s parents’ pain”

Surely they should’ve got done for naming their kids that way in the first place? Similar with folk that end up giving their kids two surnames, like Findlay etc.

Similar with folk that end up giving their kids two surnames, like Findlay etc.

My wife knew a girl called Jennifer Tall, or Jenny for short.

And I never tire of mentioning the girl I knew at university called Jeanette Hulls.

To throw a spanner in the works, these people are Welsh. Do we know whether Haine rhymes with Shlaine in Welsh? Looks like a Welsh forename with an English surname to me. Or possibly an English surname with a stupid made-up forename.

My French teacher at A-level was a French woman named Mademoiselle Lavigne. She got married to an Englishman over the Summer and went for the double-barrelled approach, so we came back for our upper sixth to discover that she was now Madame Lavigne-Kidney.

Apologies for lowering the tone but my friend and colleague Katie had a teacher called Mr Mycock and his wife was called Pat.

Once when a local paper photographer friend was sent out to take a pic of council officer, this time called Mr Hiscock, she got in a bit of a state about his name and was worried that she may give away a disrespectful glimmer of a smile when saying it out loud. So she got to reception and accidentally said “I’m here for Mr Hisprick” instead.

I can’t resist.

When I used to work in Compaq, we used to search the Global Email Address List to search for good names. The best two I can remember were Bob Bobo and, my personal favourite, Chip Schopp.

Well, the (ceremonial) president of Zimbabwe, before Mugabe had him thrown in jail for being gay, rejoiced in the name of Canaan Banana. The Queen is rumoured to have welcomed him thusly: “Are you travelling alone, President Banana, or is there a bunch of you?”

Ruth had a friend at uni called Rachael Treblecocks apparently. I think she changed it.

There was a girl at the school that me, David and, indeed some years previosuly, Gary attended who rejoiced under the moniker of ‘Maris Piper’.

Her mother was one of the teachers…

It’s true but whenever I tell people they don’t believe me.

There was once a lonely young potato who wanted to get married. She had two suitors, a Jersey Royal, and John Motson. She chose the Jersey Royal as Mottie was after all, just a commen-tator.

I’ll get my coat.

Oh my, Ronnie – I had forgotten about Chip Schopp!!! And Jo – OI! Jeanette was my academic daughter.

And yes, my married surname was Beard. Not Baird. Any wonder I changed it back really quckly after my divorce?


just a commen-tator.

Wow. A joke that even I would be embarrassed to use :)

oi you lot none of u know me so why are you all saying stuff about my name and think my life is g8 im loving my name my nan named me and i would not change it for the world so if you dont like it then that is up to you not me live your life and get of my case so i dont really care what any of you say about me tbh i love my name and that all that matters and if you knew what been happing in my life you wud under stand but you dont

p.s dont you have your own lifes to life or are you some sados that have not got a life
love shlaine xxx

and next time dont slag my name off or my dad you dont no us so get a life

love shlaine

Okay, I Think Your All Seriously Pathetic. Do You Know Shlaine? No You Don’t So Where Do You Get Off On Slagging Someone’s Name Off. You Do Know That There Are Hundreds Of Other People In The World With A Rhyming Name, Not Just Shlaine. I Know Her Personally & What Your All Saying Is Aloud Of Trolop. She’s A Kind, Generous Person With An Amazing Personality. So Don’t You Dare Start Crap On Someone You Don’t Know. She Didn’t Go To School For A Reason, A Reason More Extreme Than What Your Tiny Brains Can Process. So Don’t You Dare.

I Suggest All Who Slagged Her Off Give Her An Appology. Oh & One More Thing David, You Don’t Know Her & Gary Please Do :D Byeee x

Hi, Shlaine.

You forgot these:


Hey, Marie-Louise.

They’re some seriously bloody strange names, they are. I’d hate to be called What Your All Saying Is Aloud Of Trolop.

I’ve not seen this before. Has someone just learned to Google themselves?

Anyway, my wife (a nurse) used to know a Dr De’Ath.

…and Chris Moyles had a funny (not real) name-related joke recently. If Whoopie Goldberg somehow managed to marry Gerrard Depardeau, she’d be Whoopie Depardeau.

That’s funnier if you say it with a French accent :)

Didn’t the surname De’Ath use to be Death, and someone stuck an apostrophe in at some point? Or did I dream it?

Like O’Nions.

>>Anyway, my wife (a nurse) used to know a Dr De’Ath.

I’ve got a friend who’s going out with a De’Ath. His dad’s a doctor. Might be the same one.

There must be some sort of counterbalance to the Theory of Nominative Determinism. The Theory of Nominative Contrariness, perhaps.

I Missed This Thread. I’m Not Sure That Now I’ve Spotted It My Life Is Measurably Better.

I wonder if Marie-Louise is going to teach Shlaine about the shift key. Seeing As How She Is Expert In Using It And All. i just dont no

Heyy i dont need anyone to teach jack all i am my own person you all do know some people type diff on the pc we are all not the same and if we was our life’s must suck big time.
So next time dont tell marie what to teach me couse i am who i am anf i like it like this(:
So all of you get a life ffs

This just keeps getting better. Shlaine’s got a sister called Shaline?

You know, I can’t believe that neither Shlaine nor any of her friends have thought to mention that two of the guys taking the piss out of her name are called “Squander Two” and “mupwangle”.

I dont no why you can not leave my name alone i am happy about what i am called coz my nan named me and i love that name coz im the only person with it.
so just get on with your lifes and find something els for fun.
i love my name that is all that matters to me and i dont mo why you alll like taking the piss out of my name for.

leave Shlaine alone, i love her name and she shoudlnt be ashamed of it. you are all low lifes that have nothing better to do.
i love you Shlaine <3 xx

yes i sent my mum and my dad to prison do you all think im proud of that and dont you all think i live with that all my life now they never let me live it down i think now that is what has got me this fair in life and made who i am now.
yeah i lost everyone i loved in my life for i did i blame my slef everyday for it i hate my self for it

so you lot can do what you like i love my life but i hate my past :(

so your tlling me none of you have done things you wished you never coz trust me i bet you have

and my gramp has always told me you should never judge a book by its cover that what i have been told but all you lot are judging me b4 you no me and i dont think that is right but hey what d i care i love my name it is the best ever do you no why my nan named me it is the last peaice of i have and i love it

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