So screams The Sunday Mail, which is so alarmed at the cost of booze it’s done some world-standard pockling to try and justify its headline. Here goes:

HEALTH experts last night demanded the price of drink be DOUBLED after it was revealed booze is cheaper than water.

Sunday Mail investigators checked out prices after reports linked bargain-basement drink to Scotland’s spiralling death rate from alcohol abuse.

At Tesco, Scotland’s best-selling lager Tennent’s sells for 37p a can or 84p a litre.

That compares with 59p for a 500ml bottle of the leading mineral water Vittel – £1.18 a litre.

Um, not quite. The lager is based on multipack prices during a special offer, not single cans; the water is a sports bottle, one of the most expensive ways to buy bottled water.

Let’s look at Tesco again. How much is a can of Tennents? 83p for a 500ml can. That’s £1.66 per litre. And the Vittel? I can’t find a 500ml bottle; the closest on Tesco.com is a 1.5l bottle at 59p, or 39p per litre. So rather than booze being cheaper than water, it’s more than four times more expensive. Hold the front page!

Perhaps the writer was pissed.