Video iPod means Christmas bukkake

If you think that headline’s bad, you should see the ones I rejected. Heh.

A computer firm is warning everyone about a worrying new development: PodPorn! Yes, by adding a tiny screen to the iPod, Apple has paved the way for all kinds of digital depravity and “iPod shuffle” will take on a whole new meaning.

The press release is from Solid Oak Software, makers of CyberSitter, and according to the firm’s boss Brian Milburn:

“Gone are the days when little Johnny would steal his dads’ Playboy and share it with the other kids behind the dumpster during recess. Now they will be showing full color, stereo, high definition porn clips.”

That’s full colour, stereo, high definition porn clips on a 2.5″ screen. Little Johnny, you will go blind!!!!!!!

The story continues:

“You have to ask yourself whether little Johnny would rather download the latest episode of ‘Desperate Housewives’, or a steamy adult video.” says Milburn.

I think we all know the answer to that.

There is a serious point to the story, which is that porn purveyors are very good at adopting new technology. Porn sites run blogs, publish RSS feeds and so on, so I’m sure the “PornCasts” described in the press release already exist. However, the focus on the iPod seems a bit weird to me: it’s hardly the first portable video player, and like most other portable video devices you need to hook it up to a computer to transfer any content. Computers, of course, have been perfectly capable of porn video playback for years.

“Come Christmas morning when hundreds of thousands of ‘Little Johnny’s’ find a new video iPod under the tree, they will already know where to get the porn to put on it.”

Johnny! Teh pr0n is on daddy’s computar!

[Thanks to Gusto for the press release]

8 thoughts on “Video iPod means Christmas bukkake

  1. gusto says:

    >Now they will be showing full color, stereo, high definition porn clips.

    It sounds like he’s been thinking the scenario through in far more detail than is healthy. Do you think you could get away with adding “said a company spokesperson, sweating profusely” to the end of that quote?

  2. Anonymous says:

    Hahah.

    It was the “stereo” bit that made me smirk. Visions of unhappy porn perusers, frustrated by the lack of sonic fidelity…

  3. gusto says:

    In fact (not to obsess about this, you understand) where’s the whole “high definition” bit come from?

  4. Gary says:

    Hmmm, judging by the press release wires it seems there’s a bandwagon after all, with various adult firms racing to offer iPod-friendly porn. Oh well.

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