Writing in today’s Guardian, Tim Dowling sums up the rather pathetic story of the window fitter who’s reported a duff witch doctor to trading standards. As the Daily Record reports:

A JILTED boyfriend has reported a witchdoctor to trading standards after he failed to conjure up a reunion with his lover.

Window fitter Kevin Bird, 46, says he was duped out of £1500 by African “psychic” Mansor Barry after visiting him five times in just over a month.

Kevin was also told to hand over underwear and a urine sample to help him contact spirits – but he remained single.

Now trading standards have been called in to investigate.

Kevin said: “This man is preying on vulnerable people.

“I want others to know what I’ve been through so they don’t make the same foolish mistake.”

As Dowling points out:

Like anyone who makes a purchase in the Alternative aisle of a supermarket, Bird entered into a contract whereby he agreed to believe in something that was patently bollocks.