I ordered a new fridge a few weeks ago, and the courier called me to arrange delivery. Would I be in on the 18th of July? Yes! Did the fridge turn up? No! So I called the courier, who checked the records and informed me that it was a delivery *week commencing* the 18th. Would I be in on Friday? Erm…

Me: I’ll be in all day, but I need to go to a hospital appointment in the afternoon. Would a morning drop be possible?
Courier: We won’t know that until Friday.
Me: Can you give me an idea of the delivery time at all?
Courier: Sorry, no.
Me: Okay, then. Is there any way you can contact me to let me know when he’s on his way?
Courier: Yes. The driver can call you on Friday morning.
Me: That’d be great. Can I check you’ve got my mobile number?
Courier: [writes down mobile number]
Me: You’ll need to use that number. My new phone line hasn’t been installed yet.
Courier: No problem. The driver will call your mobile on Friday.
Me: Great, because I’ll be out from 2pm. If he lets me know when he expects to arrive, I can make sure someone’s here.
Courier: No problem.

No call on Friday. Called the courier at 5pm.

Me: Hi, I was expecting a delivery today?
Courier: We tried to deliver.
Me: When? There’s no card or anything here, and nobody called.
Courier: 2.02pm.
Me: Oh, for crying out loud. Can we rebook the delivery?
Courier: You’ll have to call back on Monday.

Called back on Monday.

Courier: We tried to deliver on Friday.
Me: I know. The driver was supposed to call.
Courier: The driver did call. You didn’t answer.
Me: The driver didn’t call. My phone was on from 6am.
Courier: Well, we called XXXX XXXX XXXX.
Me: That isn’t my phone number. I gave you my mobile number.
Courier: No you didn’t.
Me: Yes I did.
Courier: Well, we don’t have it on file.
Me: Can you take a note of it now?
Courier: There’s not much point.
Me: Why not?
Courier: We can’t redeliver.
Me: What?
Courier: We tried to deliver and there was nobody there, and nobody answered the phone. So it’s going back to England for a credit.
Me: Nobody answered the phone because the bloody phone line hasn’t been fitted yet. I told you all of this last week.
Courier: No you didn’t.
Me: Yes I bloody well did!
Courier: Well, I can’t help. It’s going back to England.
Me: Let me get this straight. I called to let you know my mobile, and nobody bothered to write it down. Your driver then called a number that isn’t mine, and which I never gave you, and decided to deliver the fridge at a time when you already knew I wouldn’t be there. And because of this you’ve decided I don’t exist, and you’re sending my fridge back to England?
Courier: Well… yes.

*call ends in a flurry of expletives*

I spoke to head office, who promised me that there’ll be a delivery this Friday. I’m not holding my breath.

Then there’s the broadband, the plastering, the missing DVD player…