Me, on Techradar, writing about OEM software:

Imagine. You’ve saved up for years, and at last you can afford the car of your dreams.

You’ve done your homework, chosen the best specs, picked the best colour combinations and haggled for the best deal.

It’s tasteful. Subtle. Classy. And when you turn up to collect it there are plastic eyelashes on the headlights, green fur covers on the seat and LOOK AT ME I AMS FAST down the side in luminous green letters.