I’m very proud of that headline, you know.
Imagine there’s a serial killer at the door. He’s already killed and eaten the rest of the street, and now he fancies getting his gums on your bum. Do you (a) grab as many sharp things as you can to fight him off, or (b) invite him in but make him promise he’ll only eat one toe?
If you’re Waterstones, the answer appears to be (b).