Me, on the news that Intel has hired will.i.am as some kind of creative powerhouse:

For the finale of last month’s Paper Clips and Metal Fastenings 2011 show, they wheeled out the pint-sized popstress Pixie Lott.

“All the paper clips, they’ve got it going on,” she sang to a crowd of chubby middle-aged men, tears visible in the corners of her eyes.

“And when you clip that paper the feeling in your bones,” she added, dancing awkwardly, looking for all the world like someone praying for an early death.

No, not really. But it’s not that far from the truth. Like a rubbish Rutger Hauer, I’ve seen things you wouldn’t believe.