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Music

Sugababes are touring

Yes! March and April 2007, which means that by then they’ll have had so many line-up changes that there’s every chance the band will be three obese Yorkshiremen in pencil skirts and flat caps.

Sadly (for us) they’ve moved up a league, so this time they’re playing big soulless sheds instead of the more intimate (and nicer) venues of their last tour. Still, that gives you the opportunity to enjoy the modern corporate pop experience, which includes such joys as:

* Feeling faintly grubby when you realise you’re the only straight adult who isn’t there with offspring!

* Wondering if your excellent big-venue parking strategy means you’re too old for this crap!

* Discovering that you’re not allowed out of the venue, ostensibly for security reasons but really because the venue knows that once you realise the “lager” costs £7,000 for a cup of watery piss, you’d rush out to your car and drink petrol!

* Getting annoyed at the adverts on the video screens!

* Discovering that the ticket price didn’t mention the £400 postage fee!

* Watching dads bankrupt themselves as their kids demand T-shirts, programmes and glittery crap that costs more than your house!

* Accidentally trampling toddlers to death as you do your chicken dance!

I’m doing a good job of selling this, aren’t I? But I don’t care, ’cause I’ve got front row tickets. Wheeee!

Tickets on sale now from the usual rip-off merchants…