Techradar has very kindly used some Internet magic to collate a big bunch of op-eds and link to them from a single page. It’s here, if you fancy getting annoyed all over again.
The last time we looked, that big box on the Twitter homepage says “What are you doing?” Maybe it changes at 9.55pm on a Wednesday night to say “Why not tell the entire planet who’s been fired on The Apprentice?”, or maybe Americans get a special version that says “Quick, tell the Brits who dies in Season Five of The Wire! It’s not on there for months!”
Yahoo decided to take on Google. It bought search company Inktomi, Google’s closest rival, in 2002, and it bought search advertising firm Overture in 2003.
All Yahoo needed to do was to put them together and integrate them with its existing search system. And that’s where the wheels came off.
Jacqui Smith is scrapping the uber-database that would monitor everything we do online. Isn’t she?
In an unexpected press conference yesterday, Doctor Evil admitted that his unpopular plans for “sharks with frickin’ laser beams” were “extreme” and too expensive, so the entire programme is being scrapped.
However, when journalists examined the details of the policy, they discovered that Doctor Evil’s programme is still going ahead.
Sharks are still being fitted with laser beams, but Doctor Evil has renamed the beams as “big torches.”
Hackers have managed to get into WordPress, but instead of spamming they’re linking to Trojans (malicious downloads). I think I’ve zapped the link but there may be others hidden away somewhere. Please be careful…
[Thanks to Squander Two for the heads-up]
Publishers are getting ready to embrace eBooks. I think they’re making a big mistake.
Books aren’t music. You don’t read a book when you’re concentrating on something important, you don’t skip between chapters, books and authors in the space of a few minutes and you don’t need 1,000 different titles to read on the bus.
Unless you’re constantly hopping on and off planes or lugging around heavy textbooks, the electronic book is the answer to a question you didn’t ask.
…there isn’t much illegal content to drive hardware sales, which mean that the Kindle is some way away from being the iPod of books. If publishers are smart, they’ll keep it that way.
Over at Will Write For Food, Dan Oliver gets annoyed about yet more “blogging is better than journalism, so nerrr” punditry.
I’m inclined to agree with Dan: journalism isn’t dying, but the model is changing. I’m not convinced it’s changing for the better, but it’s definitely changing.
Me on security guards, snappers and deleting photos…
Part of the problem is overzealous people in uniform, whether they’re security guards or serving police officers. The Metropolitan Police’s crazed anti-terrorism adverts (PDF), which brand photographers as potential bombers, don’t exactly help. But there’s also a problem with the law.
The idea that Section 76 of the Counter-Terrorism Act makes photographing the police illegal is pure fantasy. It doesn’t mention photos at all. Rather, it says that it’s illegal to gather or publish information about the police or armed forces that is “likely to be useful” to a mad bomber, foreign spy or Osama Bin Laden.
With pretty much everything in the world linked to terrorism these days – Icelandic banks’ assets were frozen under anti-terrorism legislation, while anti-terrorism surveillance powers have also been used to crack down on such threats to life and liberty as dog crap and fly-tippers – then it’s easy to see how that phrase can be misinterpreted, either by accident or by design.
There’s a rather sexist term that makes me laugh: Kronenbourg. The beer’s full name is Kronenbourg 1664, so a Kronenbourg is a woman who looks 16 from the back and 64 from the front; the whole mutton dressed as lamb thing. I’m wondering, is there a term for the male equivalent? “Kidult” doesn’t quite do the job.
I was thinking about this the other night in the pub, where the bloke in front of me at the bar was wearing a Weird Fish top. It’s one of those surfer-dude things, really thick yarn, overly big collar, the sort of thing that I’m sure looks great on a bronzed surfer when he’s, I dunno, chilling with his homies or whatever the hell young, athletic people say they do. This bloke, though, was a peely-wally late-forties (I’m being generous) Glaswegian, and it just looked utterly, utterly wrong. There wasn’t anything wrong with the top; it’s just that he was far too old and pale for it. He wasn’t the only one, either. Most of the customers were male, over thirty and wearing clothes designed for teenagers and twentysomethings.
I think it’s fair to say that while most sensible men don’t pay the slightest bit of attention to fashion, there are still rules that we’re all aware of. Take light-coloured sportswear, for example. Absolutely fine if you’re a muscly, twentysomething black kid in America. Pathetic if you’re white and Scottish, no matter what age you are – although the older you are, the more pathetic you look. Bow ties never work, and suits for anyone who doesn’t work in a place where you have to wear a suit are weird too. To my great shame, when I had a day job that required a suit I did own some wacky ties, but I’ve been self-employed for a decade now so thankfully the memories of that particular faux pas have faded.
But what should you wear when you’re getting on a bit? This is something I’ve become subconciously aware of recently. I’ve noticed that I’m developing an aversion to big logos, to things with hoods that don’t need to have hoods, to extremes of any kind whether they’re extremely baggy or extremely tight. It’s not just a body shape thing, although as a lazy, smoking drinker I have the same physique as a packet of lard that’s been bashed about a bit. It’s that I’m beginning to think certain things are simply off-limits for people of my age (I’m 36), either because of age inappropriateness or because they’re hideous.
The list includes, but isn’t limited to:
The problem with all that, though, is that once you eliminate all of those, what’s left? Fleeces, jeans and clumpy boots? I suspect the answer is yes, because that’s generally what I find myself wearing when I’m not being lazy and living in my dressing gown.
It worries me, because I recently found myself watching an episode of Top Gear, seeing James May, and thinking “Hey! Nice jumper!”. No, I wasn’t being sarcastic. It really was a nice jumper.
Help me out here, Internet. What should late-thirties men wear, and what should they avoid at all costs?
The decline of the so-called “lad’s mag” – a sniffy name invented by the posher men’s titles, who know their readers are no older or wealthier but are in the business of selling luxury advertising – is not down to a sea change in society. It’s down to Photoshop.
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