One for the Glaswegians

Huge police raid on Victor Morris. Blimey.

Lethal weapons, including samurai swords and batons, were seized when officers swooped on the Victor Morris store in Argyle Street. A nearby lingerie shop, also owned by Martin Morris – Silks & Secrets – was also raided in today’s operation.

A team of 20 officers brought out weapons in protective bags from that store.

“If this is the future of journalism, I don’t think CNN has anything to worry about just yet”

Interesting post by Alan at Broadstuff, reacting to the “Twitter is the future of news!” stuff going round the internet at the moment:

the bulk, the 90%, was pure cr*p, with stuff such as:

- Wild surmises to gain attention
- Re-tweeting mainstream media in an endless circle jerk
- Mediawhores jumping on the bandwagon with crocodile tears and faux sympathy
- Hatemail
- Hatemail to the hatemailers
- People arguing with any or all of the above

…this was not news – it was a hose of sewage, in which the few nuggets of real news were virtually impossible to pick out.

By happy coincidence, I wrote a typically cheery column about the very same thing in the last issue of .net (it’s not online yet, sorry):

…More than anything, I’m tired of the sheer self-absorption of the electronic elite. This month they’re all twittering, so when something interesting happens they hear about it on Twitter, because of course that’s where they are. Within minutes, Twitter is the future of news! …If this time next month the technorati are drinking Special Brew with tramps and they see something interesting on a cardboard box, drinking Special Brew with tramps will be – yes! – the future of news!

Small Apple sale, not many dead

“Hi, I’m Steve Jobs – and I’m bargain crazy!” Doesn’t work, does it? Anyway, the UK Apple Store’s one-day event is on, and there’s the odd discount – a fiver off an iPod, thirty quid off an iMac, sixty quid off a MacBook and a free horse.

I’m lying about the horse.

Microsoft ads versus Apple ads. Microsoft FTW!

Credit where credit’s due. Having Tron Guy in the “I’m a PC” ads is utter, utter genius.

(If you’re reading this from outside the UK, the Get A Mac ads over here blew it by making the PC likeable and the Mac annoying and smug.)

Mourning the modem

According to the latest bunch of government statistics, 94.1% of Brits connect to the internet via broadband – and the percentage of dial-up modem users has dropped below 5%. That means to all intents and purposes, dial-up is dead. Which in some respects is a shame.

Don’t get me wrong. Dial-up was desperately slow, horrifically expensive and hopelessly unreliable, and today’s net users would be flabbergasted by our excitement when modems went from 14.4kbps to 28.8, and then upwards to the dizzy peaks of 56kbps – so photos of naked people loaded almost immediately, and you could download an MP3 in about a week.

Of course, broadband is miles better. But there’s one thing missing.

Broadband doesn’t boing.

I loved the crackles and boings as my modem laboriously dialled my ISP, negotiated a connection and finally shut up. It was the equivalent of the HBO “waaaah” at the start of The Wire, or the “Previously” intro to NYPD Blue: a sound that told you something interesting was going to happen. And no matter how many times you went online and nothing interesting happened whatsoever, the boings never stopped having that effect.

For all its joys, broadband is just there, like a light switch. Dial-up was an adventure.

Desktop Monbiot

This revolutionary software uses your computer‘s webcam to detect when you’re feeling happy, or idealistic, or wasting time staring dreamily out of the window while the Earth plunges towards ecopocalypse.

BANG! The vociferous Guardian pundit’s face looms out of your screen DOUSH! He delivers a pin-point demolishing of your most cherished illusions.

More Apple-related tomfoolery from David McCandless.

What if bandwidth is the new oil?

Forgive the self-promotion, but I enjoyed writing this what-if for PC Plus:

Of course, bandwidth isn’t controlled by sheikhs or delivered in trucks, and we’re pretty sure that the US won’t invade a sovereign nation to seize control of its cable TV network – but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t striking similarities between oil, gas and bandwidth.

While I’m thinking about it, dear readers, what’s your take on self-promotion? Would you prefer it if I didn’t link to individual articles? Should I do it more? Could you care less?

When subscription departments attack!

This isn’t staged – my subscriber copy of Car magazine came through the door with this vicious message:

You too can maik money bye writing artickles

This brilliant website appeared via an ad on a journalism forum, which promised a sure-fire way to make money from freelance journalism:

as more and more companies and entrepreneurs have turned their attention to the Internet, the competition has made finding fresh, original content more difficult than ever before. 

This situation has created a dire need for writers who can create content for various websites all over the Internet – and it doesn’t have to be great content, or even good content for that matter

If you sign up now, you’ll get other valuable tips:

I will explain what I do and show you exactly what you must also do to make more money than you probably ever dreamed possible taking pictures and uploading them onto the internet!

And:

Did you know that their are companies (large and small) out there that are willing to pay you to take surveys, participate in online focus groups, watch movie trailers, go shopping for products (you get to keep the products too), and even to drive your car! That’s right, there are even companies out there that are even willing to pay you to drive your own car with their advertisements on them!

If you order today you will get access to our comprehensive list of over 300 online companies that are all literately “begging” you to take surveys online for cash, drive your car for cash, participate in online focus groups for cash, and to complete simple offers for cash!

But that’s not all!

I’ll also tell you how you can make a very profitable living through the Internet’s hottest “new thing” – blogging!

As one delighted customer puts it:

The first 15 pages is worth the money!

Do front-facing baby buggies traumatise kids?

Yes, says the Daily Mail:

Baby buggies which face forwards may stunt children’s development and turn them into anxious adults, according to a study.

Infants suffer more stress and sometimes even ‘trauma’ in modern buggies with seats facing away from their parent, researchers found. 

Guess what? That’s not quite what the study said.

Despite the news report, there is no evidence from this study that buggies which face forwards cause trauma or have an effect on how the child grows up. Such interpretations of its results are incorrect and could be interpreted as scaremongering.

The study used heart rate as a measure of infant ‘stress’ and the finding that babies facing forward have slightly higher heart rates is unsurprising given the different stimuli they would be experiencing. As such, this may have nothing to do with ‘stress’ levels. The cautious interpretation of the results taken in some parts of the research article must be emphasised. In other areas and in some news reports the results have been over-interpreted and may cause parents unnecessary anxiety.