Top Gear magazine has uncovered an interesting loophole affecting the G-Whiz electric car: because it’s not legally a car, it doesn’t undergo the same crash testing as “real” cars. Here’s what happens if you prang it:
(Sorry if you’ve seen this already – it was new to me)
That’s me back from an early summer holiday – with a little bigmouth on the way, a late summer holiday ain’t happening – and it’ll take me a few days to get back to normal. So here’s a few quick thoughts:
* One week away, 897 spams to wade through on my return. Arse.
* After a week driving on (uniformly excellent) French roads, coming back to the UK is an eye-opener. The combination of congestion, bad road surfaces, traffic cameras and aggressive driving – in the south of England in particular – manages to suck every iota of fun from driving. For all my moans, Scotland is a million times better. But every time I go anywhere in Europe, I still feel our roads are about 300 years behind.
* Ferries: rubbish. The occasional clean would improve the interiors no end.
* Anti-smokers: bastards. The fast ferry from Portsmouth to Cherbourg is non-smoking throughout, which is fair enough. But there’s a little, exposed shelf of a viewing deck that’s in the open air. You can’t smoke there either, presumably because bloody non-smokers have whinged about having three square feet of boat that isn’t their exclusive domain. Gaaah.
* Sat-nav: brilliant.
* Opera Mini: brilliant. Particularly its RSS support. Mobile internet access really comes into its own when you’ve no idea of where you are and you need to find something specific.
* I’m really embarrassed by my lack of languages. Need to do something about that.
* The new .net is out (spotted it in a service station somewhere). I don’t think it’s online yet but my column in the current issue (black cover) is that rare thing: something I’m really proud of writing.
* Saab seats are superb, but they’re not superb enough to fix a really duff back. I can still barely walk. It’s pretty obvious that long-haul flights don’t agree with me, ’cause I’m still sore from Vegas and back.
* Factory outlets in the UK are amazing. So many unfit-looking people in sportswear. The sportier the kit, the fatter the kid.
* Catching up on UK news via RSS feeds is a superbly surreal experience, because you end up thinking that the country’s gone mad. And then you come home, and you realise it has.
I’m off for a much-needed holiday. Back soon.
I’ve just received an anti-BBC DVD in the post, which promises the truth about the Beeb’s controversial Scientology programme.
They know where I live! Aieeeee!
Back in 2004, I travelled to Los Angeles to cover a Microsoft thing. My back was grumbling before I went, but by the time I came back the joys of long haul travel meant I could barely walk. Eventually I ended up getting back surgery, which cost even more than a full retail copy of Adobe Creative Suite 3 Web Premium. Yeah, that much.
Fast forward three years and I’ve made my second ever visit to the US, this time to Las Vegas where I’m covering a Microsoft thing. My back was grumbling before I went, but by the time I get back the joys of long haul travel mean I can barely walk.
Hmmm. I can see a trend developing here. Is it:
(a) Microsoft is trying to kill me?
(b) America is trying to kill me?
(c) British Airways is trying to kill me?
(d) All of the above?
My money’s on (d), or perhaps (e) – the makers of Nurofen are messing with me to keep their profits healthy. Only a cynic would suggest that it’s my own damn fault for not doing enough exercise to strengthen my extremely knackered back. Gaaaah.
* The title’s from an old Simple Minds song. Younger readers will find this hard to believe, but there was a time – before they became the Tesco Value U2 – when Simple Minds were incredibly good. No, really. They were.
Of course it is. I’ve just had my new one delivered.
[Oops, that sounds like I've got a super-secret unreleased MBP. I haven't - long term readers will know that every single time I replace any Mac hardware, Apple promptly announces a newer, better version days afterwards.]
Mrs Bigmouth was at a baby show the other week, and entered a few prize draws. And she won a holiday!
Well, not quite. What she did win was the opportunity to be ripped off by a bunch of bastards. Nice of them to go after pregnant women and tired new parents, isn’t it?
Let me explain. Phoenix First called her and said she’d won a free holiday – all she needs to pay is the £32.50 admin fee for each of us. Bong! Scam sign number one!
The next step is to choose the destination – there are 28 to choose from – and pick up the tickets. They can’t do that by phone, internet or post, we have to go there in person. And by “we” I mean both of us. Bong! Scam sign number two!
The company is based in 278 St Vincent Street in Glasgow, but the pickup won’t happen there or during working hours, and we can’t just pop by. It’ll be a Saturday or Sunday afternoon, in a hotel. Bong! Scam sign number three!
And so on. So here’s what I know courtesy of Mr Google.
Phoenix First is a marketing company, not a holiday company – so when they claim on the phone that they’re a travel agent, they’re lying. More importantly they aren’t ABTA registered, so you don’t have any of the consumer protection you get from traditional travel agents and reputable online ones. They aren’t a limited company – if Mr Google is correct, they’re a trading name of a limited company whose director has been involved in similar things before, which were forced into liquidation – and while the wee nyaff says they aren’t selling holiday clubs, that’s essentially what they’re doing. The registered office of the parent company is the address of a company formation firm – a holding address, in other words.
Here’s the pitch. And by all accounts it’s a long pitch – nearly three hours. You go to a presentation and you’re offered an unbelievable deal: amazing discounts on holidays for the next X years. All you need to do is pay a joining fee (just under two grand) and then a membership fee (several grand more). And then all your holidays are cheap!
Not as cheap as you’ll find through Mr Internet, though. And remember – no ABTA protection, and because you’re paying by cheque (Mr Google suggests that Phoenix First either doesn’t have credit card processing facilities or has had such facilities revoked by the banks) you have no consumer protection either. Even if the deal is as good as it claims to be, which it isn’t, if Phoenix First disappears tomorrow, so does your money.
And the free holiday? This is the nicest thing I’ve found anybody saying:
For the totally free option (apart from the “admin” charge of about £50-£70) each, you might be offered somewhere you don’t really want to go, leaving from an airport miles away from your home. When you decline this offer you can normally upgrade to the next option, where you pay for your flights.
If you get a call from these twats, report them to trading standards. If you want a cheap holiday, book it on the internet.
Update, 9th June
Phoenix First isn’t the only firm running prize draws at shows in order to flog holiday clubs: I’ve also been contacted by a firm called Hospitality Scotland Promotions, and it’s the same story (although in my experience at least, the callers are less aggressive). Once again the promise of a “free” holiday is there in order to get you to a high-pressure sales presentation. Until 2010 the timeshare laws that enforce a cooling-off period don’t apply to holiday clubs, so attend these things at your peril.
You’ll find a long discussion, advice from trading standards and relevant links in the comments.
The Sun has been slapped for a rather underhand story about Charlotte Church, which broke the PCC rules on pregnancy: you don’t report pregnancies before the 12-week stage. That’s because if something’s going to go wrong, it’s likely to go wrong before the 12-week point – which is why in many cases people don’t tell family and friends, let alone the media, until after that point.
The Sun guessed Church was pregnant and contacted her PR for confirmation. The PR tactfully explained the situation, and made it clear that if Church actually was pregnant, she hadn’t yet reached the 12-week stage.
The Sun, then, didn’t have a story – or at least, a story it could legitimately print. But it decided to run it anyway. The excellent No Rock’N'Roll Fun explains what happened next:
So, since they were refused permission to publish what they knew, Coles’ name (and, interestingly, Newton’s photo byline) went out on a story which reversed the usual Bizarre way of doing things – it reported facts, pretending they were speculation… Church complained to the Press Complaints Commission, which asked The Sun to provide evidence of these ‘rumours’. The paper was unable to…
Bastards.
Government: Look! Over there! It’s Blair! He’s finally resigning!
*everybody runs over to listen to Blair’s speech*
*government waits until everyone’s out of earshot*
Government (whispering): The ID card system’s going to cost another half billion.
Ah, ID cards. Remember them? They were going to cost £3.1 billion and save us all from everything. The official cost’s gone up to £5.5 billion now, and it would have been higher still if the Home Office hadn’t palmed off a half-billion in costs to the Foreign Office so they’re no longer included in the total.
It’s worth noting that the £5.5 billion is the official cost, which no sane person believes is anywhere close to the real cost of this shambles.
It’s also worth noting that by delaying the announcement, the government broke the law: Section 37 of the Identity Cards Act 2006, to be precise, which says the announcements should be “before the end of every six months” – so these figures should have been out in early April.
Let’s recap, shall we?
And yet despite all this, the anti-ID crowd think it’s going to be an expensive disaster! The fools!
The other day, a nice man at Microsoft sent me an interesting document in Microsoft Word format. I couldn’t open it, because I’m using Microsoft Word on the Mac. He’s on Office 2007, I’m on Office 2004. Office 2004 no likey Office 2007 files.
Dear Mr Microsoft, I replied. Thanks for the file. Any chance I could have it in a format that works with, er, Microsoft Office?
Now, I’m no Microsoft hater, I actually like Office:Mac – I prefer working in Word:Mac to working in any other word processor – and I appreciate that the Mac BU has its work cut out finishing off Office 2008. But Office 2007 has been out since January, the Mac BU promised to ship Mac converters in March or April, and it’s now May. Where’s my sodding .docx converters? It can’t be that difficult, because there are plenty of online converters that will take a .docx and turn it into basic RTF. So where are the official ones?
The lack of converters is really annoying, because when it comes to operating systems I swing both ways, baby. PCs are running Vista and Office 2007, among other things. Macs are running Office 2004. I frequently work on one and then transfer to the other, and even more frequently I’ll be working in 2007 and forget to save the file in the old Office format. And then I call Microsoft very nasty names.
There are two issues here. One, if you promise to ship something on X date and then don’t, it annoys the crap out of your customers – particularly if you don’t pop up and go “hey! Sorry! Here’s what’s happening!”. And two, if you introduce a new file format, it’s a good idea to make sure all your other software actually supports it.
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