I’m being a bit facetious – my favourite games list includes the obvious Half-Life 2s, Mass Effects and Deus Exes, along with interesting failures such as Alan Wake – but generally speaking I enjoy fairly dumb first-person shooters and can’t be arsed with epics such as Fallout 3. The Gears of War series, then, should be right up my street: I enjoyed the first one, and kinda enjoyed the second one.

Gears of War 3, though, is one of the dullest games I’ve played for a long time.

I’m pretty sure the problem is with the game rather than me.

Games are all about suspension of disbelief, and Gears 3 keeps buggering that up. It’s got far too many cutscenes for a game whose entire plot can be summarised as “you must shoot space aliens in the face”, and those cutscenes keep grabbing control from you: instead of big action scene/short cinematic/big action scene, the rhythm is more short action scene/overlong cinematic/short action scene. In one section, having sat through a cinematic, you get to shoot two things twice before – yes! – another cinematic.

The risible dialogue, cliched banter and general tedium of the cutscenes wouldn’t be so bad if the combat rocked, but it doesn’t. The weapons don’t have any heft to them – I’m fresh to this from playing Deus Ex:HR, where shotguns kicked, machine guns rattled and rocket launchers boomed. Even through a decent amp and fairly loud speakers, the guns feel and sound like peashooters.

Then there are the bosses, something that also marred DX:HR. The “giant boss with a single vulnerable point who charges at you and crushes you if you don’t move fast enough” boss-fight is a pain in the arse in any game, but it’s particularly annoying in Gears. The boss bits just go on forever, requiring no skill beyond the ability to keep playing past the point of utter tedium.

Last but not least, there’s the problem of your squad. If like me you’re crap at games, Gears 3 feels as if it’s playing itself: by the time you’ve got your sorry arse down to the main field of battle, your artificially intelligent squadmates have already turned the space monsters to mince.

Taken together, the feeling I get playing the game is of disconnection: no matter what buttons I press or triggers I pull, the game is happening entirely without my involvement, and nothing I do is of any consequence.

I get enough of that in the real world.

If you’re a parent of young children and you have an iOS device, the Sesame Street app Elmo’s Monster Maker [iTunes link] is a hoot.

Well, maybe not rubbish. Tedious and annoying might be a better way to put it. The facial capture technology is extraordinary, but that’s about it. I was hoping for Grand Theft Ellroy, XBLA Confidential, but I just got bored.

A more intelligent critique from the inimitable Richard Cobbett is over here:

…oh, LA Noire can be a painful game. Let’s start with Cole Phelps himself, deeply unlikeable guy that he is. He’s 80% the most tedious square in the history of heroes, with the other 20% mostly squidged together like some kind of chimera made from utter, total dicks. Every single ‘mistake’ I have made in this whole game has been a direct result of Phelps being either a moron or an asshole, and usually both.

I believe that there is a real risk for those who use gaming to compensate for other negative factors in their lives, and for those whose gaming becomes problematic for any reason. I believe that these matters deserve to be taken seriously. It is to be treated with severity. This sort of scaremongering endangers such people by mis-labelling.

For example:

We move on to the tragic story of the Korean couple who let their baby die through neglect, as they spent their time gaming. We get told that they both had “low IQs” and that both suffered from “depression”, but both those factors are ignored because as a result of their circumstances they spent too much time playing Prius Online. “She was mentally not that stable to begin with,” explains a doctor at the clinic that treated the mother. But this isn’t an episode about mental illness leading to the deaths of babies. It’s about gaming causing it. Gaming caused it.

I agree entirely with John: so many people play games that it’d be strange if problematic gaming didn’t exist. However:

Until there is some evidence that gaming can create an addiction in someone otherwise undisposed to addictive behaviour, then it must be understood as a consequence of addiction, not a cause. To do otherwise is ignorant, dangerous, and harmful to the individuals. Blame it on gaming, and you’ll take away the games, leaving the person to continue suffering.

Sure, Halo: Reach gives you a jet pack. But Vanquish gives you the ability to slide 40 yards on your knees along concrete, ducking through the legs of a giant bipedal robot while firing rockets at point-blank range into its groin.

The acting consists entirely of ham, the characters are ridiculous, the story is incomprehensible and it often feels as if somebody’s dropped a dustbin on your head and is beating it with a baseball bat, but it’s an absolute hoot.

Do: let me carry more than two guns. Just when did we all decide that we weren’t okay with that element of unrealism in gaming? Sure, it can be set in the retro-future on a spaceship made of time, but god forbid we holster an improbable number of weapons. Especially if you’ll then let me carry hundreds of bits of ammo for all the weapons anywhere. Where am I storing those? In my magic trousers? And if so, why can’t I stick a pistol and a rocket launcher in there too? I want to stick a rocket launcher in my magic trousers!

Paying women to talk to you? Isn’t that what the ads for HOT GRANNY ACTION in the back of movie magazines and men’s magazines are for?

Apparently not. GameCrush’s ethos is much purer than that. It’s designed to engage the brain, not engorge the groin. That’s why the girls can choose to offer chats ranging from “flirty” to “dirty” or, if they’re feeling particularly empowered, “flirty and dirty”.

My first impression of Bioshock 2 wasn’t great. Turns out my first impression was completely wrong. I ended up agreeing with this chap [spoiler alert].

This game had a profoundly moving effect on me. The ending – my ending, the one that reflected my values – resonated deeply. As the father of a 2-year-old daughter, my journey through Rapture touched on my fears and aspirations for her in ways I never expected from a game. That experience lingers, and I’m grateful for it.

Back in the good old days, Microsoft did desktops, Google stuck to search and Apple made toys for people in polo necks. No more.

The superpowers of the technology world are at war, and like real wars, the battle is happening on several fronts. They’re fighting on the desktop, they’re fighting on mobile phones, they’re fighting in the browser and they’re fighting in your front room.

Who will prevail, and who will end up in a bunker?

]]> http://www.bigmouthstrikesagain.com/archives/2739/feed 0 http://www.bigmouthstrikesagain.com/archives/2689 http://www.bigmouthstrikesagain.com/archives/2689#comments Tue, 10 Nov 2009 09:53:20 +0000 Gary http://www.bigmouthstrikesagain.com/?p=2689 As you might have heard, Modern Warfare 2 – which comes out today – includes a bit where you’re doing terrorist things. It’s causing a bit of controversy, and of course I have an opinion on that.

What we’re seeing here is something much more interesting than mere headline chasing: it’s a dramatic example of how videogames are trying to grow up.

If we want our games to grow up with us, we need to be grown up in the way we react to them – and that includes dumping the “we must protect the children” crap when games come with an 18 certificate specifically saying they’re not suitable for kids.

Earlier in the day Lily Allen, one of the few younger artists to speak out against online piracy, said she was dropping her public campaign against copyright theft because “the abuse was getting too much”. She had set up a blog “It’s Not Alright” – in reference to her first album Alright, Still – collating artists’ views after her comments that “filesharing is a disaster” for new talent. In its statement last night the FAC, expressed support for Allen and condemned “the vitriol that has been directed at her in recent days”.

Anyone else spot the irony of artists criticising the vitriol directed at, er, copyright thieves? It’s hard to disagree with my esteemed colleague Karl Hodge on this one:

http://bit.ly/4xE2qg – Lily’s blog down, comments gone, her wolf-cry of abuse taken at face value, discussion ends, revisionism begins.

The link he’s included is to The Word magazine, which shouts “misogyny” – even though the abuse was largely on other sites, not Allen’s; the abuse only became intense when she ignored reasonable comments; and the abuse is a fraction of the shit heaped on Lars Ulrich over Napster. As far as I’m aware, Mr Ulrich is not a lady.

It’s pathetic, really: the official story is already that brave copyright fighter Lily Allen had to take down her blog after the nasty internet people called her names, when the real story is that confused copyright infringer Lily Allen deleted her blog in a fit of pique after internet people caught her “stealing” other people’s content.

Fuck’s sake.

Meanwhile, the turkeys have overwhelmingly voted in favour of Christmas. Or rather, the artists have voted in favour of three-strikes against file sharers. This will, of course, mean the end of illegal file sharing and the return of bloated musical profits, and is in no way a Canute-esque stand that won’t change a bloody thing. At least Canute was trying to prove that he *couldn’t* stop the tide.

On a completely different note, Halo 3 ODST is an interesting (flawed) experiment. I don’t think I’ve played a first-person shooter inspired by Rashomon before, and it’s an interesting way of telling a story in an action game. But by god, it’s a short story. If someone as crap at gaming as me can get through it in a few hours, l33t players will no doubt get through it in ten minutes. As Mupwangle has rightly pointed out, that’s because it was originally a Halo 3 expansion pack; unfortunately it hasn’t been priced accordingly.

It’s still fun though, if you like wandering around in the dark listening to jazz.

…gamers were more likely to be couch potatoes and that they had “a greater number of poor mental health days” than non-gamers.

We’re not surprised, because gaming can be a pretty depressing business. Just think: thousands of people have spent nearly fifty quid on things such as Transformers 2 or bought those Wii games that you only ever see in supermarkets. They’re enough to send anybody over the edge.