What’s worth reading while I’m recovering?

I won’t be using computers for a week or two after tomorrow’s hand surgery, but I will have my trusty iPad/Instapaper combination to keep me occupied and amused. Anything you’ve seen that I – or anyone else who hangs around here – should seek out (I’ve already cherry-picked my way through Kevin Kelly’s 100 Best Magazine Articles post and obvious stuff such as Wired’s look at the Apple/AT&T power struggles)?

I’d appreciate any suggestions for longish, interesting articles on pretty much any subject other than sport.

How to take a funny idea and make it unfunny and offensive

Suitcase stickers! They make your suitcase look like it’s full of drugs! Hahahahahah!

Suitcase stickers! They make your suitcase look as if it’s stuffed with dildos and other sex toys! Hahahahahah!

Suitcase stickers! They make your suitcase look as if you’ve got a terrified, bound, crying woman in it!

Hmmm.

[Via MetaFilter]

Gates are for fields and gardens, not scandals

This headline is in the (Glasgow) Herald this morning:

Bid to reveal Wendygate facts

Wendygate? Wendygate?

Antennagate was bad enough, but I think Wendygate may be the worst yet. The Watergate scandal, from which every -gate gets its suffix, was the name of a hotel. Adding -gate to something doesn’t make any sense.

The Facebook movie is just the start

Nevermind The Social Network; what if other websites were films? You know the jokes before I make ‘em:

Shit my dad says

Fictionalised biography of a man whose dad doesn’t care what anyone thinks. Starring Prince Harry.

Apple, interpretation and the woo-hoo/boo-hoo thing

One of the interesting things about online news is that you can often see stories unfiltered. For example, if you’re interested in Apple’s iPhone antenna news conference, you can see footage of it rather than relying on someone else’s report of it. And that throws up something interesting, because there are some very different interpretations floating around.

Take the issue of Apple giving away cases. This is what Steve Jobs said (it’s just after the 25 minute mark if you’re watching the video):

A lot of people have told us the bumper solves the signal strength problem… why don’t you just give everybody a case? Okay, great, let’s give everybody a case… We’ll re-examine this in September and decide whether to keep going or maybe we’ll have a better idea.

And this is Slate writer Farhad Manjoo’s interpretation. Like me, Manjoo wasn’t at the conference; he relied on liveblogs and tweets. I haven’t linked to him for any other reason than his was the first article I thought of.

Still, if you want to be a total jerk about it and keep insisting there’s a problem with your magical iPhone, Jobs has an offer for you. ‘OK, great, let’s give everybody a case,’ he said. Happy now, whiners?

Now, it’s entirely possible that I’m the one who’s wrong here, or that I’ve completely misinterpreted the article, but I think Manjoo’s suggesting an attitude, a vibe that I really don’t get from the video. Is Jobs indulging in a bit of reality distortion during the presentation? Of course. That’s what he does. But immediately before the case announcement Jobs admits that while it doesn’t affect everyone, there is a genuine problem; the case bit doesn’t seem to have any “whiners” subtext.

I’m just not picking up the same attitude that Manjoo clearly picked up. Quite the opposite. I thought Jobs seemed frail, and tired, and less cocky than usual. But you don’t have to take my word, or Manjoo’s word, for it. You can go to the horse’s mouth and get it unfiltered.

And that’s great, but it’s also terrible. Great that you can get things in context – although of course how you interpret what you see or hear will depend on what you’re bringing as baggage, so it’s going to be your truth rather than an absolute truth – but terrible because we’re quite busy enough, thank you. Who other than the most spittle-flecked insomniac conspiracy theorist has the time to investigate every single thing they read?

I think the ability to go to the source is a good example of the woo-hoo/boo-hoo way the Internet often works.

Woo-hoo! I can do this! This is great!

Boo-hoo! I have to do this! This sucks!

Always on. Not your gadgets. You

There’s an interesting post on GigaOm today about our increasingly 24-hour lives.

As a result, our lives are becoming more “real-time,” whether we like it or not. Just as Google and Microsoft’s Bing are upgrading their search indexes to make them more real time by capturing things as they occur, instead of hours or even days later, we are being forced to upgrade our internal processes to do the same thing. But doing that isn’t quite as simple as tinkering with a search algorithm — we have to find ways of managing the real-time demands placed on us while still maintaining something approaching a healthy personal life, something Stacey wrote about a little while ago. How do we handle the demands of our our spouses, our children, our relatives and friends? How do we maintain our health when we are always on, always available, in real time?

I think you’re fat

This article in Esquire cracked me up. It’s about Radical Honesty, a movement started by psychotherapist Brad Blanton. The idea is simple: stop lying, and stop filtering. If you think it, you should say it.

I e-mail Blanton to ask if I can come down to Virginia and get some pointers before embarking on my Radical Honesty experiment. He writes back: “I appreciate you for apparently having a real interest and hope you’re not just doing a cutesy little superficial dipshit job like most journalists.”

I’m already nervous. I better start off with a clean slate. I confess I lied to him in my first e-mail — that I haven’t ordered all his books on Amazon yet. I was just trying to impress upon him that I was serious about his work. He writes back: “Thanks for your honesty in attempting to guess what your manipulative and self-protective motive must have been.”

If I were a superhero I’d be Captain Snobby, just flying around the world, looking down on people

I’ve just spent the week in Butlins Skegness, home of redcoats, winds that can cut you in half and people who genuinely believe that tiresome TV star Chico makes for a good night’s entertainment.

It’s cheap and cheerful (although not as cheerful as the photography in the brochure would have you believe: the apartments are basic and our one smelled alarmingly of junk food), and while some of the customers are pretty rough – I think I was the only parent there who didn’t have his kids’ names tattooed on his neck like the back of a Glasgow taxi, and a vocal minority of pissed, angry people in sportswear appeared to have been beamed in from an episode of Shameless – it’s a great place for kids.

That doesn’t mean some of the shows don’t take the piss, though. Exciting “meet your favourite cartoon characters, kids!” events are stretched beyond endurance, so a two-minute bit of Bugs Bunny dancing becomes an hour-long interactive adventure that largely consists of panto-style “I CAN’T HEAR YOU!” bellowing at increasingly bored and fractious kids. There are also real terrors, such as a live stage show featuring Barney the Dinosaur.

The worst, though, is Thomas the Tank Engine. His show goes on for about three days, and it turns out that the “Friends” bit of “Thomas and Friends” is 99% of the show. Those friends are two unfunny janitors who run around pretending they can’t see one another, and if guns were legal in the UK they’d be shot within three seconds of turning up.

It may be the worst so-called entertainment you’ll ever encounter, and just when it couldn’t get any crappier, when you discover that the payoff for 45 minutes of tedium surrounded by people with more children than tattoos and more tattoos than teeth is no more than a peek at a crappy and not-to-scale model train, your toddler turns to you with a look of pure delight and smiles a smile that could illuminate the universe. “Dad,” the smile says. “dad, it’s Thomas. And he’s right here.”

And in that moment, Butlins is the greatest place in the whole wide world.

If I had a credit card, I’d probably be buying an electric drum kit right now

Not that I can afford one, or play one, or find anywhere to put one, but I’d really like one anyway. For the sake of my hands it’s probably for the best.

This is just a quick post to apologise yet again for the lack of blogging, and for the rather abrupt emails I’ve been sending lately. I’m waiting to see a hand surgeon at the end of this month; for now I’m on high doses of Ibuprofen so I can work, but the hands aren’t really up to any extra-curricular typing. I’m 99% sure it’s Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, and while pain is a relatively infrequent symptom it doesn’t take much time before my hands do a weird seizing-up thing that makes it hard to type.

There’s a certain irony to all of this: nine months ago I quit smoking for the good of my health, and thanks to the weight I put on and the fact I no longer get up from the computer every 30 mins for a smoke, my RSI has gone from minor irritant to probably-needs-surgery. Thanks, not-smoking! Thanks a bunch!

One for the bookmarks: The Browser

Never be short of interesting things to read again: The Browser is like a less intimidating Arts & Letters Daily, offering links to interesting things in newspapers and websites across the globe. It’s excellent brain food.