Citroen Xsara Picasso owners are the worst drivers in the world
This is one of those theories I can’t prove, but which I know in my gut is right: Citroen Picasso owners are the worst drivers in the world. I’m not being funny, either: when I see one I start driving like one of those Institute of Advanced Motorists chaps who drives on the basis that other road users are actively trying to kill you. If they’re driving a Picasso, they are.
To take just one (of very many) examples, I was behind one yesterday as we turned on to a motorway slip road. “Did I ever tell you my theory that Picasso drivers are the worst drivers in the world?” I asked Mrs Bigmouth. As she was about to reply, the Citroen misjudged the corner, mounted the kerb, came back on to the road and wobbled alarmingly. We kept well back as it weaved its way down the slip road and joined the motorway, and as soon as it was safe I dropped a gear and pulled into the next lane. At which point the Picasso tried to drive into the side of my car. The driver didn’t look, didn’t indicate, and appeared to be playing with the centre console of her car. She was driving at 70-plus miles per hour and seemed completely unaware of anything outside the car.
If I didn’t have a long track record of Xsara drivers trying to kill me, I wouldn’t have been anticipating kamikaze moves and I probably wouldn’t be here.
I think what makes Picasso drivers so dangerous is that other bad drivers are predictable. The middle manager in the C-class Merc will always drive like a wanker; the sales rep in the 3-series will always drive as if he’s in a war; the 4×4 with the blacked-out windows (a) can’t see you (b) is wrestling with suspension that turns even the smoothest road into a bouncy castle and (c) is racing to a drug deal / to pick the kids up from private school; the ned in the Max Power Corsa will always attempt dangerous overtaking, undertaking and general wombling. But Picasso drivers are just mental, alternating between raw aggression, utter terror, attempted suicide and formula one racing every few seconds.
I know a few Xsara owners, and outside their cars they’re lovely. Nice. Normal, even. But put them behind the wheel and they become nuts. There’s got to be a reason for it, but I’m buggered if I know what it is.
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Image: A Citroen Picasso being driven normally
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Comments
I borrowed a family-owned Xsara for a fortnight to drive back and forth between Newcastle and Glasgow and it was fantastic! People gave me loads of room to overtake / pull-out / just sit doing nothing parked on the side of the kerb as they drove by, steering wheel gripped, white-knuckled in fear….
I can’t recommend them highly enough. The insurance premiums are a bit high though…..
you guys do get me if you are not expecting every person whos driving on the road in this day and age are trying to kill you then you are deluded. most drivers in my experience are just not looking out of there windows. we are about to buy a picasso so this site is a worth while find for me so i hope to be the one driver who isn`t a complete tosser, so at least theres one. Cracking car dirt cheap top class it is french and they hate us more then we hate them so i was expecting a complete pile of shit but it surprised even me. have fun and bear in mind that every driver especially people who wear flat caps and the over fifties are tring to kill you then enjoy the experience and hope you get home alive.
hope to be the one driver who isn`t a complete tosser, so at least theres one.
That’s what everyone thinks, Strange. But the car will chaaaaaaange you ;)
I think the picasso is a great car.
The worst drivers on the raod are the ones behinfd the wheel of the ford focus!
Aye, there’s nothing wrong with the car ;-)
I take your Ford Focus and raise you MG-branded Rovers. Lunatics, the lot of ‘em.
does anyone know where the battery is on a picasso?
I am married to a woman owner and considering disconnecting it.
oh yes. Volvos. And cyclists.
I own a picasso and while i cant say im tthe best driver in the world, i can definatly say im not the worst.
there are worse drivers about and these drivers tend to drive BMW’s (any one) Volvo drivers (estates mostly), BUT if you see a Vauxhall movano about you can almost guarantee that the driver has a death wish comparible to an mossie on a mission.
Oh yeah the battery is under the passengers seat, ill leave you to figure out how to get at it (not too difficult)
What rubbish! Yes there will be some bad Picasso drivers - its inevitable just as there are bad drivers of any vehicle from horse drawn to tanks. The problem is with the person and I find too many agressive drivers on the road these days most trying their best to drive right up into my boot end. The other day I looked in the mirror to see what seemed to be a gremlin up my back end with an angry bad tempered contorted face as he had swung in off the motorway and could not pass me until the road became two lanes - I was doing 50 on this slip road and he came off at 70+ braking hard behind me whilst swearing and cursing like a madman - Road rage at its worse eh!
> Yes there will be some bad Picasso drivers - its inevitable just as there are bad drivers of any vehicle from horse drawn to tanks.
But people don’t buy cars randomly, because each car has a carefully designed marketing campaign designed to appeal to certain personality types. Given that, we can expect the distribution of driver types across car types to be uneven.
For instance, Mazda’s marketing has been aimed squarely at boy racers for the last few years. “Drive our cars fast and swerve a lot and beautiful young women will want to fuck you” is the message, and bloody unsubtle it is too. Any fifty-year-old women who religiously obey the speed limit buying Mazdas lately? I doubt it.
Hi Jim.
> Yes there will be some bad Picasso drivers - its inevitable just as there are bad drivers of any vehicle from horse drawn to tanks.
Maybe all the good ones are in other countries ;-)
> The problem is with the person and I find too many agressive drivers on the road these days
Oh, indeed. And it appears to be getting worse.
Well I know a French, his name is Sebastian that drives a citroen very well , i don’ t remember the surname …Ah it? s Loeb .:))
My mum drives a Citroen Xsara, not a picaso, but I agree with what you say, but change the reference to include all Citroen’s, I almost always get cut-up but Citroen taxis on the M8. Line them all up on a disused airfield and blow them up.